Originally Posted by
alybally 
I think for some people codependency may be the issue, but for others of us it's letting go of the dream of who we thought they were. We walk away, but our hearts ache from the disappointment. We don't need them to make us happy or fulfill us, it's just the loss of the possibility of a future with that person, the loss of ever being able to hug or kiss them again and look in their eyes and see the person they once were. I think that's human nature. Not sure that all of us end up here because we are codependent although many probably do. Some of us are just idiotic and naive (like me) and are unfamiliar with addiction until we are somewhat enmeshed. I had the Hollywood picture of alcoholism in my head when this all started and could never have imagined...
So glad someone said this. I agree completely. I did not fall in love with an addict who needed fixing. I fell in love with someone who had his stuff together and was doing well and didn't need me to fix anything. I am honestly a little too focused on myself and my own life. That's my problem in relationships. I focus too much on my own needs and what's going on with me and am not there enough for my partner. Now that my addict relapsed and left me I am in tremendous pain. I miss the relationship. I miss our love. And I miss our future plans. But I feel no desire to fix his problems or help him out. When he says he is going to get fired I think "good!" He chooses to steal money, he should get fired. And I am friends with his boss. I could swoop in and try to talk the owner into paying for rehab and letting my ex keep his job, but I don't want to. Do I care if he gets arrested for dealing or possession? Nope. He deserves it.
So yeah, pain at the ending of a significant relationship does not always equal codependency. It's always worth looking into, but it's not the diagnosis 100% of the time. Sometimes pain just means you aren't a sociopath. IMO.