So if I understand this right, you won't commit to sobriety because you're a man of your word, and if you go on a bender you're worried the people you care about will be upset with you because you broke your promise.
May I respectfully suggest that they'll be upset because you've gone on a bender regardless of any promises you have or haven't made. You dying, or destroying your life and family forever will be the priority for them.
But one thing is for sure, leaving that door open to allow yourself those mini-benders (your rule with your wife lets you drink heavily for two nights in a row, as long as you stop by the following afternoon, which is a pretty wide open door you've left yourself) dramatically increases the chances that you will start drinking again.
It took me 4 months after stopping before I made my Big Plan. That I do not drink and will never drink again. I didn't even realise I was wanting to keep the option open to drink again, I'd come up with a different but similar excuse that fooled me for a few months.
I'm also a man of my word. And that helps me to keep alcohol off the table. I've used that to stay sober. You're using it to keep alcohol an option in your life.
As Dee said, if you could learn to recognise when your AV is doing your writing and thinking it could really change your life. You've made enormous progress, you should be proud of that. The trick now is to find a way to make that progress permanent. You and alcohol just weren't meant to be together. Unfair, yes, but that's just how it is.