Not commenting on you Jeff, but for me, there has been a world of difference
in my absolute resolve to not drink, not moderate, not nada no more
as opposed to my "I'm stopping for a year and then we'll see" stance
which was all I could bear to commit to when I first started the journey to sobriety.
Before, I did leave the door open a crack because at some level my AV
was still calling the shots and betting on my long-term inability to say no forever.
And it was right.
18 months or so into a very solid recovery, I did really think I could have a few
here and there and that my relationship to alcohol had changed.
It worked for awhile, but the moderation actually rehydrated the beast
and gradually I was finding myself slipping back into non-moderate drinking
on occasion.
I was smart enough to see where it was going,
and since I have shut the door and said no, it is so much easier
to put alcohol behind me all together since it is off the table as an option
forever as far as I am concerned now.
This has made things easier, not harder.
It would for you too if you would let yourself go there
and really own sobriety as a life choice from now on.
I do think you've made great progress, and I do sincerely offer that pat on the back,
but your inner resistance really is also pretty apparent to me, mainly because
I also carried it these past four years until I finally saw
it wasn't serving me,
I was serving it.