Hi Jeff - I replied to you elsewhere before I read this thread but nonetheless it kinda illustrates what I was talking about.
Making statements like 'if I got drunk 6 months from now, I would not wake up feeling suicidal' : to you, thats honesty.
To some of us that's AV - it's worrying to me for example that you still see no distinction between AV and you in the that sentence - and it could even be seen as a sign that, even now, your commitment to sobriety is conditional.
I understand that you dislike 'kicks in the gut'. Who does?
I'd like you to consider they're not kicks in the gut tho.
It's people trying to help you not makes the mistakes they did.
'You go Jeffs' and 'attaboys' are nice but honestly IMO they're not what you need right now.
OpenTuning said maybe you're not sure who you are right now. I think thats true. I think you're still in early recovery.
Thats not to put you down either - it's not a race, we each have our journeys and yours has been a tough one.
But there's a 'flip' our brain does at a certain point from 'I'm not sure I can stay sober' to 'maybe I can stay sober' and then to 'I want to stay sober'.
I think your brain has done 90 degrees, maybe more....but I'm not sure it's at the full 180 yet.
I get the stuff about making absolute statements - but honestly Jeff if you can't back yourself in this battle now, when can you?
Your focus needs to be on you, not other people people and what they might think.
That's another little benefit of the brain flip. I'm much more my own man now than I ever was before.
I really think being able to pick out your AV would be a great skill for you to learn.
If nothing else you'd be left with essential Jeff which will probably be as much a revelation to you as it was essential real Dee was to me.
Any of the Rational Recovery books, or threads in our Secular Connections forum, could be useful.
I don't think they'll mind me saying they're pretty light on hugs in that method - but like I said I'm not sure you need that right now.
I also recommend the Big Book as essential reading for anyone who wants to be sober and stay that way - you can find it online or any library
D