Originally Posted by
RollTide 
Rev,
My XAH was younger than I. We lived in a home that I owned and I was totally self sufficient before I met him. I simply loved him and didn't need his support.
My lifelong dream was to retire young and do some traveling as my parents had done when they retired. I had done a lot of traveling before I met him but was still working. I had scrimped and saved all of my life and was able to retire at a young age and have my savings, pension and health insurance.
Not long after I retired my XAH came up with the bright idea that he wanted to retire. He would lose a lot of benefits by doing so at that time. No amount of logic would stop him. He retired at 48 years old from a very good job making more money than I ever thought about making and with great benefits. He no longer had to stay sober and while the marriage was troubled because of his drinking it became simply unbearable. I decided to cut my losses and get out while I could. I did not want to support a grown man who chose not to work and who was increasingly becoming more dependent on me.
We divorced and I can say that it was the single best thing that I have ever done for myself. I wonder now why I put up with the insanity for so long. I divorced a man that I was still in love with. I had no choice if I was going to survive.
The longer that you stay married and especially if she quits her job the more dependent she will be on you. I did not work hard all of my life so my XAH could get plastered every day while I took care of everything.
If you separated now perhaps she would feel the gravity of such a huge decision a retirement. As it is now you are her safety net.
I wish you the best. I have been there.
Rolltide, your story is an absolute gut punch. Change the genders and it is the same script I'm living. Actually makes me feel like Scrooge being taken by the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have resolved to take some quiet time while she is away and work through an exit strategy, albeit with an opportunity for her to change. If she can not drink for work, then she can not drink for me. Although I've seen the affect of inadequate or sham resolve and subsequent relapse. Before we moved, her liquor bill had become more than our mortgage each month.
And, yes it may take being willing to lose the marriage and her to save them. Then I can know that I've put my whole heart and all my energy into saving something that was once precious and became dust.
Thank you all and thank you for messages that help me find a good path.