Rev,
My XAH was younger than I. We lived in a home that I owned and I was totally self sufficient before I met him. I simply loved him and didn't need his support.
My lifelong dream was to retire young and do some traveling as my parents had done when they retired. I had done a lot of traveling before I met him but was still working. I had scrimped and saved all of my life and was able to retire at a young age and have my savings, pension and health insurance.
Not long after I retired my XAH came up with the bright idea that he wanted to retire. He would lose a lot of benefits by doing so at that time. No amount of logic would stop him. He retired at 48 years old from a very good job making more money than I ever thought about making and with great benefits. He no longer had to stay sober and while the marriage was troubled because of his drinking it became simply unbearable. I decided to cut my losses and get out while I could. I did not want to support a grown man who chose not to work and who was increasingly becoming more dependent on me.
We divorced and I can say that it was the single best thing that I have ever done for myself. I wonder now why I put up with the insanity for so long. I divorced a man that I was still in love with. I had no choice if I was going to survive.
The longer that you stay married and especially if she quits her job the more dependent she will be on you. I did not work hard all of my life so my XAH could get plastered every day while I took care of everything.
If you separated now perhaps she would feel the gravity of such a huge decision a retirement. As it is now you are her safety net.
I wish you the best. I have been there.