For me the illogical aspect of the disease was hardest to overcome. 2 + 2 = 13 when dealing with alcoholism. The following helped me (which I learned from SR)
1. I can't do anything about stopping it (Really, seriously, can't)
2. Its not personal. Its not being done to me purposefully or with intent to hurt me. How it hurt me, which was deep, was nothing more than being a casualty of war rather than the target of it.
3. Alcoholics go through life trying to find a way to drink, and keep everything else status quo at the same time. Once I understood that the disease did become a bit more logical as I got that every action was about maintaining alcohol in their lives; even if the result was undesirable and hurtful to me.
4. Alcoholics trick themselves into believing that maintaining a job, or managing other life responsibilities, means they aren't alcoholic
5. Their minds are so pickled with denial they can't really see themselves objectively; they do not see the result of their actions. They may know when they have crossed the line - but never accept that its as bad as it really is. Its almost as if they have a dysmorphic disorder about themselves. Which leads me to to my final thought.....
6. Their denial exists in part to their codie/enabler sticking around and putting up with it. We talk about the illogical disease of alcoholism, but how illogical is it to put up with daily unacceptable, drunken, sometimes abusive, behavior that often results in legal issues as well as financial burdens? Its crazy to. Been there and done that....never again my friend.
I think it very wise for you start working on a Plan B since there is zero indication here in willingness on her end to get help.