Absolutely thought provoking comments. My problem is me. I have been a "big brother" all my life...well all but two years of it. I've generally been in charge of things and have fixed things that are broken. I'm logical and stubborn. She is very logical. Her behavior just doesn't make sense and ought to be fixable.
And yet, others are right. "Co dependent No More" is right. "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" is right. The Traditions of Al-Anon are right.
At the last Al-Anon meeting, a woman shared that she'd taken her husband to his NINTH rehab and was feeling bad until she met another wife who'd taken her husband to his 17th rehab. Not going to do that.
I seriously don't think that I could be around her all the time if she retires. It's enough that I deal with it for two weeks at a time and it only progresses to the worst at the end of that time...I didn't mention the hallucinations, and disassociative episodes. She's a nasty drunk too, fault finding, sarcastic and unpredictable.
I've reached a tipping point and I'm going to figure out how to untangle finances and tie up loose ends. She's damaging my health physically and mentally--I spent two days in ER after a stress-induced muscle seizure that we thought was a heart attack or blood clot in my lung. And, she complained that "you've changed," when I got back from the ER.
Sorry, I'm all over the place on this and I just can't believe it's happening.