Rev. As another male that can share your version of life. I'll just concur with a few things. I feel and felt very much like you about it all. I did find that Al-Anon while in the the long term wasn't helpful, where it was helpful was the following.
1. You realize that you have a room full of people with similar stories we do.
2. You can go there to just get away from your home life.
3. You can begin to see that the way of life with an alcoholic almost follows a road map.
4. Having that road map helps you begin to navigate your way out.
It was ironic. My ex is the one that asked me to go to Al-Anon. AA encourages their members to get their family into Al-Anon. She believed that Al-Anon was there to help us deal with them. So in her mind, it was to help me tolerate her drinking.
In reality, Al-Anon teaches us how to begin our own journey away from the Alcoholic. Or to give some the skills to stay in the relationship and just learn how to cope and deal if they have no way out of the relationship (ie. a parent with a child that is an Alcoholic etc.)
I myself only needed Al-Anon for about 3 months. And 2 of those months were a struggle. Once I realized that they didn't offer me any new tools to help my ex stop drinking, it was just a place to get away and talk to others. For which I was thankful for. I left my ex shortly after that 3 months. For me there was no relationship saving revelations. In fact if anything it helped solidify my view that I was done with an Alcoholic in my life. I saw a room full of people that were facing a life of misery with an alcoholic. They were simply trying to make the best of it.
And P.S. My sex drive went to ZERO when she was drinking. And she was drinking so much that I never had the desire. I also thought it was because I was getting to be an old man. :-)