Originally Posted by
Rev 3:16 
She doesn't want to quit. She knows how I feel and thinks that I'm "trying to control" her by asking that she quit or moderate. Any discussion about "slowing down" or getting counseling is responded to by increased drinking.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I will say, as gently as possible, that you are, in fact, trying to control her by asking her to quit or moderate. You have made your feelings about her drinking clear. However, it is 100% her decision to make. The question then becomes what are YOU going to do?
Asking her to moderate (or her telling you she is going to moderate) is pretty much crap in my experience. I do not know of a single alcoholic who has successfully moderated. If either of you thinks that moderation will be a long term solution, my belief is that you will both be sorely disappointed.
It is widely accepted that alcoholism is progressive. That means that the list of things you typed out that happen when she's home? It's only going to get worse. Even if she continues working two weeks a month at the no-alcohol secure location, the two weeks she is home will get worse. And lordy...if she retires, I expect she will probably spiral quickly, and her disease will get much worse in a very short period of time because she will have 24/7 access to alcohol.
Interventions do not have a high success rate, and my personal opinion is that attempting an intervention with someone who has stated clearly and unequivocally that she does not want to quit is a waste of time and emotional energy.
If I were in your shoes, I would bring the focus entirely back around to myself. What are you willing to tolerate? What are your boundaries? What are the consequences for boundaries being crossed? Are you *really* willing to enforce those consequences? Because even if you SAY you won't tolerate something, if you continue "business as usual" with your wife in the face of the offending behavior, you are in fact showing her that you WILL tolerate it.
How can you continue to find support for yourself? How can you detach emotionally from her choices? How can you create an environment that gives you some peace and serenity? How can you identify your own behaviors that enable her, and/or functionally serve to allow the situation to continue in the status quo? You cannot make her stop drinking. Period. But you CAN change how you allow it to affect you. And honestly, when you're dealing with an active addict, the eventual determination is that you can change how it affects you by leaving.