Ground Hog Days--Now She Wants to Retire
"Ground Hog Day," the movie pretty much described my life for the last two years as my wife started drinking more and more and more. In the movie, Bill Murray's character lives the same day over and over and over again, except it keeps getting crazier each time.
I've posted before, but the short story is my wife works away from the home "at a secure undisclosed location," two weeks of each month and then she's home for two weeks.
She is a senior technician and can't drink while at work. It's a restricted, company-controlled environment. There's no tolerance either by the company or other employees for any drinking whatsoever. She's been doing this for 12 years, the last four of which we've been married.
But when she's home, she drinks...a lot, a lot of wine. The home stays always start like this:
1. I pick her up at the airport midday after her overnight flight. She's tired and usually smells like booze because it's free on first class and she's always upgraded because she flys so much. But, not obviously drunk.
2. First several days, she starts drinking at about midday while she's working on projects around the house. The woman can lay tiles with a drink in one hand!
3. End of first week, drinks begin in midmorning. She's drunk by 4 p.m. and slurring words, increasingly nasty personality--critical, judgmental, scarcastic. Goes to bed (passes out) at 8 p.m.
4. Second week, drinks begin as a wake-up, she's drunk by 2 p.m. takes a nap (passes out) at 4 p.m. wakes up at 8 p.m. and drinks until midnight or 2 a.m. Sometimes she'll watch TV, but mostly just sits in her room/sewing room/reading room/inner sanctum and drinks.
At the end, she's up to 3+ bottles of champagne--the drug of choice. Sex (yes old people have sex) is pretty good first week, but falls off as she passes out in the act. Corpse sex just ain't good for one's ego/libido.
She doesn't want to quit. She knows how I feel and thinks that I'm "trying to control" her by asking that she quit or moderate. Any discussion about "slowing down" or getting counseling is responded to by increased drinking.
So, I've gotten myself off and found a great Al-Anon group. Not sure about "working the steps" and the "higher power" stuff, but knowing someone else is facing similar challenges is helpful. Even though she snipes at me for going--did you know that going to Al-Anon is "passive aggressive?" If not, that probably because you didn't go to the Tech University with its world-class psych department.
So, I've come to accept the reoccurring pattern. But, wait, there's more now. She wants to retire early! Oh God, oh Higher Power....I'm not ready for that. I can take the behavior in bites, but day-in-day-out forever. I don't know and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone been successful with an intervention?