Hi,
Thank you all for your kindness and support. Yes S, I don't know how we will get through the next few weeks. Moving is so difficult.
I've been packing all day, and memories flood my mind. I've really tried hard to remain focused.
My ah never apologizes for anything he says about me or any of the names he calls me. No one, deserves to be called those kind of names. It's very adolescentish.
And the use of intimidation, and getting in my space, and putting me down. Those are the things I remember very vividly.
The good memories are there, but getting buried under all the abusive treatment.
Sometimes I get a little nervous about living alone. Haven't lived alone for over 12 yrs., but then I remember that my living situation, so basically that I was living alone m. My ah came and went as he pleases, blamed not coming home I'm me. He was never available for a conversation about anything that mattered to us as a couple. My ah had given up doing anything in our home that used to give him so much pleasure and a sense of pride. My ah attitude is so arrogent!!!! He also lies about everything. Opens his mouth about things he has no clue, and then lies. Lies about things my kids have told him, of course they told him I'm a bi--h, and he shouldn't be marry me!
So, I've done a lot of packing today, have a lot more to go.
As sad as this is, I think it would be sadder to stay and watch my ah sink deeper into his disease, and take me with him. My ah has no desire to quit drinking.
I think S, and everyone else whose story is so similar to ours, I think we'll be ok!! It might take some time to heal, but in my heart j know we are doing the right thing for us.
Do I still love my ah? Yes, I love with all my heart the man I used to know, the man I married. My ah is not that man anymore.
I'm moving Feb 17th, with my 2 dogs. They are the lives of my life.
Thank you all again for your kindness and support. I couldn't get through this without all of you!