Desert eyes - thank you so much for breaking it down to me. I think I definitely need to set boundaries with my dad because like you said this is his problem not mine. It's hard to see that I was more of an adult then they were, especially with my drinking habits at a young age, but I really was never taught anything else. If anyone was drinking and acting the way my mom does, they would not be in my dad's life. But since he is codependent on her, he's still with her.
My dad is from 'the old country' meaning that he doesn't believe in getting 'help' himself. He knows all about the treatment I've been to and meetings and therapy and has mentioned that he should go himself. But just like he's threatened to leave my mom many times, he hasn't actually done it.
I am in therapy and have gone to Al-Anon. I definitely need to go more. I didn't like Al-Anon because a lot of the members had children or spouses with issues and having a parent with a problem is completely different. But I will try again. And I will check out the stickies and books.
The only reason I wanted to tell my sister about my conversation with my dad was because some of it was about her. My sister decided that my parents couldn't have the kids overnight anymore due to my mom's drinking. My sister never actually told them that, just made excuses about why they couldn't spend the night. So I told my dad, we were having a heart to heart conversation. He completely agreed that the kids shouldn't spend the night. I think next time I just need to keep my mouth shut and force my sister to be a big girl and take care of it herself.
And I will look at the roles of a dysfunctional family because the parent role is not working for me anymore.
I think I'm so worried that my parents and family are going to think bad of me for setting boundaries and staying away from my mom. But if it's healthy for me to do so, then I have to.