My Dad
I have written a few times about my alcoholic mother and I am slowly but surely coming to terms with not being in contact with her. It is not healthy for me to have a relationship with her. She doesn't bother to contact me so the feelings are mutual.
I also had a problem with alcohol and am almost 3 years sober. I had many scary moments in my 20s due to drinking but since my mom was also an alcoholic nothing was ever really done about my drinking. Sure my mom yelled at me but she would never throw out all of the alcohol in the house because 'I had to learn to be around it but not drink.' Even though I was the child and she was the adult. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this story.
Anyways, my dad never tried to get me help either. He was so afraid of crossing my mom's path that he never pushed for me to get help for fear of what my mom would say. And nobody could mention my mom's problem, just mine and make me feel worthless.
I recently had a conversation with my dad about my no longer wanting to be in my mom's life. He's all for it. She's a drunk, and toxic and I don't need her in my life. We spent two hours talking about her problem and he even said he wanted to move out to get away from her. As we were departing, my dad told me not to make a big of this conversation with my siblings because it would upset my mom if it got back to her. WTF?!
Has anyone gone no contact with their non-alcoholic parent simply because they are codependent on the alcoholic parent? I love my dad dearly and am guilty for even thinking that I wouldn't want him in my life. But going back and forth like that is also toxic. I want to be there for him as someone he can vent to as well as someone who knows what it is like to be an alcoholic. I just don't know if I can even handle that role. I am the daughter, although a grownup, I still shouldn't know those kinds of details about my parents relationship.