sadsadgirl

Hi, I've been lurking around this site for months but I think it's time I reached out for some support as nothing is getting better.

I'm an alcoholic. I know this deep down, right in my core. Things have been worse than they are right now in terms of my drinking, but I've struggled for the last four years with it and I'm becoming tired and sick of the weekly struggle. I'm feeling really down, suffer with depression and self medicate with alcohol.

I drank last night after having a fall out with a friend. She is one of those drama queen types and making a mountain out of a molehill-she's caught me out telling a white lie to her. I've tried reasoning with her but it's no use. Now I feel awful, ever so anxious that she will make life difficult me as we work together too. I've been distancing myself from her for a while because her dramatics are too much for me and she's always asking me to go for drinks with her.

Anyway that fall out was the trigger for me to go and get drunk on my own. I always revert back to this whenever I'm sad and anxious. But today I'm a quivering wreck. I have called in sick from work and tried to sleep it off but my head is so noisy. So I drank some more to make it easier to sleep. It worked but now I have the anxiety back again.

I don't want to spiral out of control again and so I'm reaching out. I'm so lost. I want to cry but can't. I have no motivation to do anything and want to crawl into a hole and die.


I have so many questions. Will it get better? How did you guys make it stick. What do I do in the early days? What am I to expect? I'm so frightened but I can't keep kidding myself that this drinking is working for me. I feel trapped, imprisoned and with nowhere to run.