Hello and help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 387
Hello and help
Hi, I've been lurking around this site for months but I think it's time I reached out for some support as nothing is getting better.
I'm an alcoholic. I know this deep down, right in my core. Things have been worse than they are right now in terms of my drinking, but I've struggled for the last four years with it and I'm becoming tired and sick of the weekly struggle. I'm feeling really down, suffer with depression and self medicate with alcohol.
I drank last night after having a fall out with a friend. She is one of those drama queen types and making a mountain out of a molehill-she's caught me out telling a white lie to her. I've tried reasoning with her but it's no use. Now I feel awful, ever so anxious that she will make life difficult me as we work together too. I've been distancing myself from her for a while because her dramatics are too much for me and she's always asking me to go for drinks with her.
Anyway that fall out was the trigger for me to go and get drunk on my own. I always revert back to this whenever I'm sad and anxious. But today I'm a quivering wreck. I have called in sick from work and tried to sleep it off but my head is so noisy. So I drank some more to make it easier to sleep. It worked but now I have the anxiety back again.
I don't want to spiral out of control again and so I'm reaching out. I'm so lost. I want to cry but can't. I have no motivation to do anything and want to crawl into a hole and die.
I have so many questions. Will it get better? How did you guys make it stick. What do I do in the early days? What am I to expect? I'm so frightened but I can't keep kidding myself that this drinking is working for me. I feel trapped, imprisoned and with nowhere to run.
I'm an alcoholic. I know this deep down, right in my core. Things have been worse than they are right now in terms of my drinking, but I've struggled for the last four years with it and I'm becoming tired and sick of the weekly struggle. I'm feeling really down, suffer with depression and self medicate with alcohol.
I drank last night after having a fall out with a friend. She is one of those drama queen types and making a mountain out of a molehill-she's caught me out telling a white lie to her. I've tried reasoning with her but it's no use. Now I feel awful, ever so anxious that she will make life difficult me as we work together too. I've been distancing myself from her for a while because her dramatics are too much for me and she's always asking me to go for drinks with her.
Anyway that fall out was the trigger for me to go and get drunk on my own. I always revert back to this whenever I'm sad and anxious. But today I'm a quivering wreck. I have called in sick from work and tried to sleep it off but my head is so noisy. So I drank some more to make it easier to sleep. It worked but now I have the anxiety back again.
I don't want to spiral out of control again and so I'm reaching out. I'm so lost. I want to cry but can't. I have no motivation to do anything and want to crawl into a hole and die.
I have so many questions. Will it get better? How did you guys make it stick. What do I do in the early days? What am I to expect? I'm so frightened but I can't keep kidding myself that this drinking is working for me. I feel trapped, imprisoned and with nowhere to run.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi and Welcome,
It sounds like you're ready to make the changes in your life to support recovery. What helped me the most in the first few weeks was to change my routine. Early evening was the hardest time for me, so I started getting out of the house right after supper and clean-up. I walked a lot. It could help to change the store you shop in, change the route you drive home to avoid triggers, and perhaps more importantly, to change the people you spend time with. It can be necessary to remove certain people from your life, at lelast temporarily.
Here is our info on what we did:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
It sounds like you're ready to make the changes in your life to support recovery. What helped me the most in the first few weeks was to change my routine. Early evening was the hardest time for me, so I started getting out of the house right after supper and clean-up. I walked a lot. It could help to change the store you shop in, change the route you drive home to avoid triggers, and perhaps more importantly, to change the people you spend time with. It can be necessary to remove certain people from your life, at lelast temporarily.
Here is our info on what we did:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 376
It really helps to have a plan in place to help give you a framework to use and keep you accountable. This plan can be any of the following for example:
- AA meetings
- counseling sessions
- changing your daily routine
- reach out to friends that have quit drinking
- use this site to research and ask for help
Most importantly realize that there is no quick fix. It will take commitment and hard work from now on to reach your goal of sobriety.
- AA meetings
- counseling sessions
- changing your daily routine
- reach out to friends that have quit drinking
- use this site to research and ask for help
Most importantly realize that there is no quick fix. It will take commitment and hard work from now on to reach your goal of sobriety.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Yes, it gets better. I don't know how often or how much you drink. I drank heavily every single day for 25+ years. At about 3 1/2 weeks sober, I'm healthy in body and mind. I feel and look great. I'm drama-proof; it's almost impossible to get me sucked into petty interpersonal squabbles. Most of life's problems improve once the drinking stops.
1) How bad are your hangovers/withdrawals? If you're shaking badly, have a very fast or irregular heartbeat, or are having hallucinations or suicidal thoughts, get to your doctor right away. This is a life-threatening condition.
2) Analyze what, when, and why you drink.
3) Make a plan on how to either avoid those situations entirely, or manage them differently. Example: I like a drink when I get home from work. Solution: Don't go directly home from work. Go to the gym, to the library, to the movies, to the laundromat, or whatever and don't get home until bedtime.
4) Permanently let go of the notion that you will someday be a "normal" or "moderate" or "social" drinker. Physiological changes occur in addiction which make a return to "normalcy" impossible. By the time someone is wanting to stop but can't...the "normal" train has left the station.
5) Get connected here and in the real world with resources to help you. Support groups, a counselor, or whatever.
And...if you feel the urge to drink, post here before it touches your lips so we can help talk you out of it.
Sobriety and health starts with NOT DRINKING. You can do this.
1) How bad are your hangovers/withdrawals? If you're shaking badly, have a very fast or irregular heartbeat, or are having hallucinations or suicidal thoughts, get to your doctor right away. This is a life-threatening condition.
2) Analyze what, when, and why you drink.
3) Make a plan on how to either avoid those situations entirely, or manage them differently. Example: I like a drink when I get home from work. Solution: Don't go directly home from work. Go to the gym, to the library, to the movies, to the laundromat, or whatever and don't get home until bedtime.
4) Permanently let go of the notion that you will someday be a "normal" or "moderate" or "social" drinker. Physiological changes occur in addiction which make a return to "normalcy" impossible. By the time someone is wanting to stop but can't...the "normal" train has left the station.
5) Get connected here and in the real world with resources to help you. Support groups, a counselor, or whatever.
And...if you feel the urge to drink, post here before it touches your lips so we can help talk you out of it.
Sobriety and health starts with NOT DRINKING. You can do this.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,775
Welcome to the family. 
Yes, it gets better the longer you're sober. It might be a good idea to see your doctor for medical help in getting thru the withdrawals. Alcohol w/d can be dangerous. Be safe.
Once you're thru the detox, make a plan for staying sober. I had the help of a good addiction counselor. I also came to this site every day for support.
I hope we can help you get sober for good. It takes some effort and changes, but it's so worth it.
Yes, it gets better the longer you're sober. It might be a good idea to see your doctor for medical help in getting thru the withdrawals. Alcohol w/d can be dangerous. Be safe.Once you're thru the detox, make a plan for staying sober. I had the help of a good addiction counselor. I also came to this site every day for support.
I hope we can help you get sober for good. It takes some effort and changes, but it's so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome to SR, sadsadgirl.
there's some really advice in the above posts.
Just want to add my reassurance that it will get better - better than you could ever imagine.
Have you considered joining an SR Class; it's a good way to talk with people who are 'just where you are' in your quest for sobriety.
The 24 Hour Recovery Connection thread is another very good thread to meet others who renew their commitment to sobriety on a daily basis.
I'll post the links for you in a minute.
Glad you found us.
there's some really advice in the above posts.
Just want to add my reassurance that it will get better - better than you could ever imagine.
Have you considered joining an SR Class; it's a good way to talk with people who are 'just where you are' in your quest for sobriety.
The 24 Hour Recovery Connection thread is another very good thread to meet others who renew their commitment to sobriety on a daily basis.
I'll post the links for you in a minute.
Glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Here are the links, sadsadgirl:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-104-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-104-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Will it get better?
Yes! It gets so much better. However, it does not happen all at once. Things got better for me and then I started feeling really depressed again about 3 months in. I took away the drink but my thinking was still warped. I went to a big book step study meeting and began working the steps. I feel SO much better. But, life has ups and downs. Even so my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk!
How did you guys make it stick.
I'm a proponent of AA. I got a sponsor. I did what she told me to do. I started attending step meetings. I got (and still do) on my knees in the morning and Thanked God for my sobriety, asked him to redirect my thinking and to keep me away from alcohol. I started working the steps...and life just sort of laid out a path for me to follow...I was kind of "pulled along" the path of sober, sane and useful living.
What do I do in the early days? What am I to expect?
I won't lie to you. It is hard. The dilemma we face is that we have to walk away from what we know (the drama and chaos that comes with active alcoholism) and venture into the unknown and it is uncomfortable! In the beginning I really felt lost...WTF am I doing?! I still feel that way sometimes. But day by day I learn more and more and I have some clarity now that I did not have before.
You can do this! I really felt like I was a hopeless alcoholic who would die from this disease. If I can do it anyone can!
Welcome!
Yes! It gets so much better. However, it does not happen all at once. Things got better for me and then I started feeling really depressed again about 3 months in. I took away the drink but my thinking was still warped. I went to a big book step study meeting and began working the steps. I feel SO much better. But, life has ups and downs. Even so my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk!
How did you guys make it stick.
I'm a proponent of AA. I got a sponsor. I did what she told me to do. I started attending step meetings. I got (and still do) on my knees in the morning and Thanked God for my sobriety, asked him to redirect my thinking and to keep me away from alcohol. I started working the steps...and life just sort of laid out a path for me to follow...I was kind of "pulled along" the path of sober, sane and useful living.
What do I do in the early days? What am I to expect?
I won't lie to you. It is hard. The dilemma we face is that we have to walk away from what we know (the drama and chaos that comes with active alcoholism) and venture into the unknown and it is uncomfortable! In the beginning I really felt lost...WTF am I doing?! I still feel that way sometimes. But day by day I learn more and more and I have some clarity now that I did not have before.
You can do this! I really felt like I was a hopeless alcoholic who would die from this disease. If I can do it anyone can!
Welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 387
Thank you all for your responses. I feel a little ray of hope peeking through the dark oppressive sadness.
I know that this is the right path for me. My drinking is not daily, but I would binge on the weekend and occasionally on the week day if I got upset etc. And always in secret. My triggers are often stress and anxiety, but drinking just numbs, never solves anything. By choosing sobriety I feel like I will be choosing to fix my broken brain, but it's very scary and I can't do this alone. When the urge to drink comes it's so powerful and I am constantly tired of fighting it.
I'm very touched by your support. Thank you
I know that this is the right path for me. My drinking is not daily, but I would binge on the weekend and occasionally on the week day if I got upset etc. And always in secret. My triggers are often stress and anxiety, but drinking just numbs, never solves anything. By choosing sobriety I feel like I will be choosing to fix my broken brain, but it's very scary and I can't do this alone. When the urge to drink comes it's so powerful and I am constantly tired of fighting it.
I'm very touched by your support. Thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 387
One of my family members gave me a right telling off. Basically told me they won't live with me whilst I'm continuing like this. How can I have been so dumb to not realise how much I'm hurting them?
I'm contemplating going to my first ever AA meeting but so nervous, I have no idea what to expect. It's on Friday night and a short walk from my work so I'm thinking that it's a good obstacle to keep me from my usual Friday night binge. Any thoughts?
I'm contemplating going to my first ever AA meeting but so nervous, I have no idea what to expect. It's on Friday night and a short walk from my work so I'm thinking that it's a good obstacle to keep me from my usual Friday night binge. Any thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 16
Hello Sadsadgirl, I'm new here too.
Drinking took my wife and kid away from me, i'm only 29. It's hurts people in ways i never understood because i figured everything was fine. I was blind by selfishness and i hurt people closest to me.
This website has been a huge help for me, i'm going on i believe my 4th day sober. I've completely pushed myself into a lifestyle different of what i've known to try and be as productive as possible with recovering.
If you want to be sober DO IT! I spend nights up when i'm depressed and tired of crying in a corner like an idiot for my self inflicted ways, reading this site. I've made a few posts and the responses i get are truly warming and full of love.
I'm a night owl, i have trouble sleeping at night. if you ever want to talk either about your situation or just to keep your mind off of things POST HERE. it's taken me from lost to hopeful because i'm not alone and after only two posts i've made i feel so much better.
Drinking took my wife and kid away from me, i'm only 29. It's hurts people in ways i never understood because i figured everything was fine. I was blind by selfishness and i hurt people closest to me.
This website has been a huge help for me, i'm going on i believe my 4th day sober. I've completely pushed myself into a lifestyle different of what i've known to try and be as productive as possible with recovering.
If you want to be sober DO IT! I spend nights up when i'm depressed and tired of crying in a corner like an idiot for my self inflicted ways, reading this site. I've made a few posts and the responses i get are truly warming and full of love.
I'm a night owl, i have trouble sleeping at night. if you ever want to talk either about your situation or just to keep your mind off of things POST HERE. it's taken me from lost to hopeful because i'm not alone and after only two posts i've made i feel so much better.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
You are not alone now you have found us we'l be with you all the way there is always a shoulder to lean on at SR as for AA mtns they were pivotal to my recovery its a very warm welcoming environment where youl be greeted & if you phone up, someone will take you to your first mtn if your nervous or have questions but honestly having AA there when I got sober was a godsend
You don't have to say your name & nothing will be expected of you except a desire to stop drinking
And Friday night meetings were always my favorite I loved the fact I was among friends & other newcomers listening to the shares in the rooms it made me know I wasn't alone and I learned so much
Remember youl always have us
You don't have to say your name & nothing will be expected of you except a desire to stop drinking
And Friday night meetings were always my favorite I loved the fact I was among friends & other newcomers listening to the shares in the rooms it made me know I wasn't alone and I learned so much
Remember youl always have us
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by sadsadgirl 
I'm contemplating going to my first ever AA meeting but so nervous, I have no idea what to expect. It's on Friday night and a short walk from my work so I'm thinking that it's a good obstacle to keep me from my usual Friday night binge. Any thoughts?
AA isn't my cup of tea, personally, but it works for a lot of people, and if that doesn't there are other groups depending on your area. Let me tell you, AA is nothing to be afraid of. You can expect a lot of people sitting in a room together telling each other stories and giving updates on their struggles and triumphs. You can sit in the back, drink a free coffee, and no one will bother you except maybe to say hi and ask how you're doing.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,428
Welcome sadsadgirl :
When I came here IO had no idea how to live sober or even if I could - but this community helped me through.
I know we can help you too - Hope is something in abundance here.
Do check out SoberLeighs links
Hope to see you around!
D
When I came here IO had no idea how to live sober or even if I could - but this community helped me through.
I know we can help you too - Hope is something in abundance here.
Do check out SoberLeighs links
Hope to see you around!
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by sadsadgirl
My drinking is not daily, but I would binge on the weekend and occasionally on the week day if I got upset etc. And always in secret.
stay stopped, work on you, and youll eventually be able to hold your head high not letting past mistakes bother you.
as ya learn how to live life on lifes terms ya wont have none of them triggers.
theres absolutely nothing a drink helps.
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