Hi mcflurry, I am sorry that your husband doesn't understand. I have found that for the most part people who are not alcoholics do not understand what it is like. I have tried, until i was blue int he face, to explain what it was like because I really felt like being heard and understood would help me in my recovery. No one gets it, not even those closest to me including my boyfriend and my best friend. So I have had to go ahead without their understanding and lean on others who do get it- such as the members here. However, I did have a very serious talk with my boyfriend and explain to him very clearly what I felt I needed from him in terms of behavior. He may not understand why I can't have alcohol in my home (just don't drink it!) but he has accepted that this is a rule I need to have in order to protect myself and he respects that rule.
You and your husband live to ether so your rules may be different. Maybe you are ok with him having alcohol in the house but it needs to be clear that you will not pour it or serve it, buy it or provide it. It needs to be clear that if you are feeling uncomfortable or uneasy you have the right to politely excuse yourself form the immediate environment.
This requires open and honest conversation on both your parts. It also requires a sacrifice on your husband's part. My boyfriend is a normal drinker. He enjoys a glass of wine with his meals. He has had to make the sacrifice of not having that glass of wine when he is in my house. But he loves me and even if he doesn't completely understand why it is so difficult for me, he respects that rule so as to support me. We cannot expect others to understand nor for them to guess what we need. We have to step up and clearly ask for what it is that we feel will help us on this journey. You say he is not a bad man, just that he doesn't get it. If this is the case, once you explain exactly what it is you need from him it shouldn't be an issue- particularly if he is a non-alcoholic who can take it or leave it.