I've seen my mother (and her partners) through rehab stints, and heard how in-patient takes days, if not weeks, to achieve. I just don't know what's out there otherwise, honestly. I've always kept it in control enough that I didn't need to except that one horrible cold turkey which I shouldn't have done, but didn't realize what I was getting into. The uncertainty is killing me. I don't know what to do. I would like to believe that I know my body and that my past experience tells me I'm safe to just cut down a bit and then have an uncomfortable day, but that could be wrong and the price could be a lot higher than last time. My doctor has already put up with so much **** from me because I have cancelled and rescheduled and cancelled and rescheduled, knowing that she'd give me a hard time about my blood pressure, and the resulting anxiety made damn sure that was going to happen. This time, if I go cold turkey, I'm actually starting from a better place, but I don't live virtually-alone anymore (good thing if you're hiding, bad thing if you want to be safe, I get it), and I have more alcohol abuse under my belt, even if my symptoms don't seem as bad.