It's a shame he doesn't see himself as being part of your recovery team. I'm sorry I don't have much in the way of suggestions, but certainly more talking about the seriousness of your need for support, and his need to respect your decision and get on board.
It's been my experience that couples either grow together or they grow apart. His thoughtlessness certain threatens the latter.
Your sobriety comes first.
Good luck and lean on us, ma'am.