Dimndaruf

Hey SR, I could really use you this morning...
I ended up getting into with STBEXAH, he suckered me into answering a financial question...that was the beginning of the end! Yesterday he asked me if I was going to be asking for more than $300 per month (aside from childcare) as we had discussed over a year ago when I initially invited the idea of a separation. I told him that I didn't have a figure but yes, it would be more than $300. I told him that figure was me speaking out of fear and was far less than what was needed to take care of 2 children, I had changed my mind since then. With the help of friends, family and therapists I realized that I was selling myself short because I was afraid of upsetting him and I realized the kids need much more that $300 monthly. This man makes anywhere from $80-over $100k/year (with overtime). He replied saying that now he will need more info from me including information on my house. I was appalled! I bought a house (solely) last April when we had already physically separated. In NY it is still considered marital property so he is entitled to half, my lawyer says that judges don't necessarily grant the spouse half, they judge based on the situation but I'm still worried about it. I don't live in the house, it was purchased and an investment and to bring me more income because he was unstable and I was sure that any day he would lose his life or his job with his erratic and destructive behavior, I 'm trying to secure a future for me and my kids and I don't want to have his name on any parts of it! Now that I've changed my mind and realized I need more than $300 he wants a piece of my house???? I was appalled. Here I am, trying to be nice and not take him for the full 25% like the NY law dictates-if I did he would be paying about $2k per month (minimum), he works for the city and make good money. God only knows how this man still even has a job with the amount of work that he's missed. He's been to inpatient rehab twice and I assume he may have finally only recently started seeing a therapist (probably to make it look good on his part for the courts).
I just feel like no matter how nice I am or sell myself short to please this man he's so angry, spiteful, vindictive and twisted. I'm not worried about him getting custody since that won't happen with his drinking/drugging history, I'm just concerned with dealing with him going forward and how this whole child support and house distribution will work and how his anger is going to be directed towards me because he's not happy or getting his way. He's going to have more reason to be depressed and drink and then blame it on child support and or me/divorce. He's convinced himself and others that I played a part in the demise of our failure as a couple. I'm not perfect but I have never done anything to constitute a divorce, it has been him all these years...the alcoholic binging, the anger, vindication, emotional and sexual email and text messages with ex and other women, verbal and emotional abuse, etc. I let him have his way most of the time but when I try to stand up for myself he then tells people that I talk to him mean and treat him bad. He has his mother convinced that I'm just telling "sob stories", when the reality is that he minimizes his wrongs and maximizes mine. He told me yesterday that his depression started when I started asking for the separation (turned into divorce), I reminded him that he had depressive bouts when I met him and they progressed not because of me but because of his alcoholism. When we were together anything that upset or slighted him turned into depression and drinking binges but now of course he's blaming it on this relationship. We have two children together and when he's present and nothing is wrong in the universe he's a great dad but when something triggers his anger or depression/drinking he disappears and goes into a whirlwind, blames everything and whoever else (mainly me) on his behavior. Tells people that I only tell my side of the story and when he finally tells his then they understand him and paints me to be the ugly person, when the truth his he tells stories to fit his emotions and twists the truth because his perception is distorted. He doesn't understand that I have been living in fear for most of our relationship, fear of his anger, fear of setting him off and it has caused me to lose myself and lessen my demands for equality and respect, just to keep peace and keep our family together.

This is getting so ugly and nasty and just want it to be over. I feel like I would just move to another state to get away from him, if I could. I'm so disgusted with him. The more I've stepped away and took my blinders off, the more I wonder what I saw in him. I wonder what was wrong with me that I stood for such abuse for so long...

Any kids words of advice please???