Day 51! Somehow I though yesterday was day 49 when it was the big 50
perhaps that's the universe's way of reminding me that it's not the number but the journey (though I was really looking forward to the nice round number lol)
Warning: BUMOUSI
Very strange day yesterday. I found out that two positions I apply for were filled already - no PFO letter or anything. It was disheartening as I was overqualified for both positions - but I have been told repeatedly that it's all"who-you-know" here. my current employer has offered a part-time role which could be a good fit right now, but I am afraid I will slip back into old habits (too much stress, spread myself too thin, put myself last, become a workaholic). Given I have been struggling with finding meaning in my life – yay midlife crisis at 39 Dash I thought it would be good to discuss it at my counselling appointment.
To make a long story short, after some very strange dialogue, my counsellor is actually going through her own midlife crisis. She said that I am the youngest person she's encountered who is dealing with the existential dilemma of meaning. Funny, but by the end of the session, I actually was counselling her lol. Although it sounds odd, the experience actually provided some clarity and reinforced that I, alone, can only define meaning in my own life. Off the beaten path so to speak.
I am still processing the experience but wanted to share. But on a side note, said made a comment that "going numb is good because it avoids pain". I said no - going numb delays the inevitable. That's why I stopped drinking. Numb is a state - not a solution. So I think we all are on the right track.