Morning everyone. Was going to sleep in for once but nope, my body wanted me out of bed at 5:45. I am glad since a quiet house in the morning is
essential for my sanity.
Yesterday was horrific. The kids where loud and hard to manage and by the end of the day I felt like the world's worst mom. I yelled so much, couldn't control myself. Last Saturday was so great and I wish I knew why I couldn't handle the stressors of yesterday. Oh well. DH came home around 4 and I got out of the house as soon as I could. Had a haircut (complete with a hand massage!!) and am feeling better just having gotten out. I don't do enough things outside of the house, alone. As soon as I get in the car I always say "thank god", I feel so relieved to be alone and to not having screaming, crying, clingy kids all over me. Man, that sounds awful. I do love my children but sometimes I think being a SAHM is not for me.
Anyway, my AV came out several times yesterday- it was quite amusing actually. At one point it had me fantasizing about drinking margarita's at a bar by myself, something I haven't done in years! Luckily these days it's so easy to go from that fantasy to immediately remembering the consequences and how awful it feels after the buzz wears off and of course the next morning when I would be full of shame, guilt and physical pain.
I am so scared that the feeling is going to wear off and that the longer I am sober, the harder it will be to remember the pain involved with drinking.
Do you ever worry about that too?
Anyway, it's our weekend here since DH is always off Sundays and Mondays. We've got nothing planned but some gym workouts. Might just take it easy and work on some house stuff (like organizing the closets). There is a women's AA meeting at 6 tonight and I am debating going. Just wish I didn't have to show up alone.
Happy Sober Sunday my friends...
Quote of the day:
~P