Amy, are you ACOA? I'm just curious. I've heard that ACOAs have a hard time figuring out how to have spontaneous fun. My parents were both alcoholics, and that's so true of me. I have a very hard time living in the moment. Planning and working hard at my plans are my way of feeling in control. I am just now at a point in my recovery where I'm trying to figure out what I genuinely like to do and how to just relax and let the enjoyment wash over me, with people, with hobbies, etc. I ask because it almost sounds like you're seeing recovery as a job, like you want to know what you have to get done and then roll up your sleeves and knock it out, tick all the boxes. I'm not sure how to tell you to go about cultivating your ability to enjoy spontaneous fun, but maybe something to think about. Give yourself some time, and be easy on yourself. You're working very hard at recovery. You're doing all you can do. Let it happen. And do something silly and fun now and then, just because the whim strikes you.