Redatlanta, the past few weekends have been spent crying and I don't want to go there again. So...for today I worked out this morning, went to an Alanon meeting (an made a time to meet a sponsor Monday!), made myself a healthy lunch, worked and am going to yoga tonight. Tomorrow I plan to go to yoga in the morning, then Reiki at 1 with a friend, then I think I will come home and plan my meals (as I've been really struggling with that) and go food shopping. I think I'll go workout, go food shopping, make dinner and watch a movie. I met someone in Alanon the other day that said to call if i ever wanted to do something (a guy, but just a friend). So I thought I'd see if he wanted to see a movie with me. I'm not quite ready to go to a movie myself yet. It's not the act of going by myself, it's going and seeing other couples together that would be hard for me. I'm trying really hard to fill my time. I started moving things around in my house so it looks a bit different. I made one of my rooms into a meditation room and will buy a rug hopefully for it this weekend. I was also thinking of maybe getting a massage this weekend. I'm trying really hard to keep the focus on me and my needs. I realized when my kids were home I cooked constantly, then they leave and I just throw a salad together. I should treat myself as well as I treat others.
It's hard for me with friends. We moved here about 10 years ago and my kids were older and so I didn't have the socializing with parents. I played tennis for years and had friends there, but around here you are in or you are out with tennis. So when I stopped playing to work, those friendships fizzled away. I have a couple acquaintances from yoga, but no real friendships. I think while I was still married all of my energy went into trying to maintain some type of life with my AH that I didn't notice I was losing all of my friends and not fostering new relationships. This alcoholism and my codependency took so much from me that I need to rebuild.
My STBAXH is away for 4 days and even though he doesn't live with me I still feel a weight lifted. I'm not sure why that is, but it's a relief. I see how space does make a huge difference in healing. I also only communicated with him once today (work stuff) and that was it. Kept it brief and moved on. I look forward to some more doors opening up for me, but I guess the only way that happens is by my getting out there in the world.