Bluedog, I, like many here, can relate to what you are feeling. I'm financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically recovering day by day. I do get caught in the trap of thinking how much I could've saved and thinking about the "what could've beens" had I not been drinking so much and so often.
Use your newfound awareness -- as painful as it might be -- for growth and learning. Not to sound cheesy, but you can only step forward from where you are standing right now. Move forward and start saving . . . and gaining :-)