Hello Blue dog. Your post was painful for me to read because I identify with every word! And the longer I am sober the more it hits about how much drinking has cost me both directly and indirectly.
One of the things that has really helped me, thanks to my counsellor, is to write up a list of all the amazing things I have achieved, or do have in life, that could not be purchased. My list goes a bit like this :
I have my health which will get better and better,
I have 3 amazing children in great health
I am Lucky enough to be knocking on 50s door with both parents still alive, active, loving and present in our lives
I had a mentor at work when I was Young who truly kickstarted my career path, without her I may well still have been sitting at an office desk typing.
Etc etc. When the guilt comes washing in I make a conscious effort to think about what I have achieved and what I have in life that really matters that is not financially related.
I am sure you have lots of great things too that you can relish and be proud of.
Good luck!