Oh, moving out of my mother's place is definitely happening... she was super generous to let me crash land here but financially, emotionally, etc it's time to be an adult again while we still like each other.
I stay out of the details of why the move because I feel like I've made up my mind so firmly in both directions! It makes total sense to return. It makes total sense to root in here.
But a Pros and Cons list is actually one of those extremely basic things that I for some reason haven't done yet. Thanks, Delilah. I will try that.
I miss California very much. It's the only place I've lived for any length of time as an adult. But I'm also romanticizing it to death right now.
I don't know if I have the right network out there. I don't know if I do here either. There, lots of friends and no family. Here, family and only a friend or two (and a somewhat harder time finding my niche). I worry about either scenario. These six months have been sort of a break from reality, now it's time to really get started. And I'm kind of afraid to make the wrong choice of where to put my roots because I really am not in good shape to mess that up right now... I know that's fatalistic. It feels so much bigger than I should be making it.
Sobriety is the biggest thing, definitely; or my future rather, but sobriety as a condition of it. It's just hard to know which place is going to be the best for that. I almost feel like I'm trying to choose between two sides of my personality.