Guilt and responsibility
I've posted here and there about my situation. The summary is that my family really went into action as a safety net last spring when I completely fell apart in dangerous fashion. They got me into treatment, and I've been living with my mother ever since while I get back on my feet.
I've been crazily going back and forth over whether to stay where I am or move back to the city I'd made my home in. Clock is ticking as there's a lease situation going on.
One of the major factors is my parents, particularly my mother. I traumatized them pretty heavily by what happened this spring. My mother saw me have a near-seizure in a parking lot, amongst other things. My father saw me incoherent and beside myself for days on end, and found 7 or 8 empty liquor bottles in his guest room after taking me to detox.
My mother doesn't want me to move far away again. She almost started crying when I brought it up. She's afraid for me, and also even before all this she missed me (and I missed her, and the rest of my family). My father isn't as open about things but I know he feels the same way.
I don't know how to weigh that in the balance of this decision that is already driving me nuts. I know that I have to make this decision for me, but I feel so guilty. SO guilty. It's been six months and they know that I'm doing well now, they've seen how hard I'm working to get my life back together. But I know that if/when I move back it's going to be really, really hard on them.
Help. Advice or insight welcome. I'm really driving myself up the wall on this, as anyone who interacts with me regularly can tell you.