Hi Sammibee,
I'm sorry to hear things have been so bad but you have to remember, despite how it seems now that things will get better if you stick it out.
You are in very early recovery and you must give your body some time to repair itself. Sober, you can start to manage your life and you will be amazed how much better things are.
I was a bad drunk too, way too many horrifying incidents to mention. It's important to remember that it's not the real you doing these things.
I promise you, things will get better.
Welcome to SR, please hang in there and read around these forums
Sean