Zircon....yes, there are several thousand threads, here where you can read of others who asked the same questions and the same "why?"......
I highly suggest that you might read the articles written by Floyd P. Garrett, M,D. on the subject of how the alcoholic mind works.....
There are several...."The Addict's Dilemma", "Excuses Alcoholics Make", "Addiction, Lies, and Relationships".......
I found these to be some of the most helpful materials that I have read....
There are several more I n his collection....you can find them by a google search......
Dandylion