Feeling Low

Old 01-18-2016, 12:40 PM
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Feeling Low

Hi,
Me again. Just feeling a little out of sorts today. My ah doesn't know yet I filed for divorce. I have a protective order, so he can't come to the house. I don't want to stay in the house, so looking for a new place to live.
Not sure how things will proceed. I have paid all the bills in the house on my own since Sept., I am now out of money. I don't want the house to go into foreclosure. I wonder if the court can bake my ah pay his portion of the bills. I'm thinking maybe I should stay in the house, even though my ah said he'd burn the house down before he'd let me have it.
My ah and his sister do have some kind of plan. Frankly she can have him. She now has been given control of all her mother's money. My ah cousin, called me to tell me he has given the DPOA, to my ah sister, because he felt he wasn't being effective. My feelings is he didn't like my ah behavior who he was trying to help.
I just want this over, want to know where I'm going to be living so I can start my life again with my puppies.
Filing divorce papers is just the first step down a very long road.
I never saw myself in this spot, I married for life.
I'm very sad, but relived that I won't have to listen to my ah verbal abuse every night. Also I won't have to worry if he doesn't come home, that he's been in an accident. There will be a lot less stress. I don't think I'll ever be able to turn off the faucet and stop caring about him. I just have to remind myself he's not the man I married.
Do you think my ah knows what he's doing? Do you think he sees and knows what he has become? Do you think my ah has just given up on everything? Why does he have such an arrogant attitude? Why does he blame everyone but himself? My ah thinks he's this great guy, and I'm wrong about him.
I know a lot of whys, but maybe someone has felt the same way.
Thank you all for your advice and support.
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Old 01-18-2016, 02:16 PM
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Zircon....yes, there are several thousand threads, here where you can read of others who asked the same questions and the same "why?"......

I highly suggest that you might read the articles written by Floyd P. Garrett, M,D. on the subject of how the alcoholic mind works.....
There are several...."The Addict's Dilemma", "Excuses Alcoholics Make", "Addiction, Lies, and Relationships".......
I found these to be some of the most helpful materials that I have read....
There are several more I n his collection....you can find them by a google search......

Dandylion
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Old 01-18-2016, 02:19 PM
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I wish we could answer any of those why's. They would just be theories.

It is hard to accept that we will likely never get the answers to the questions surrounding the addicts in our lives. Eventually I had to learn that needing to understand them was a way of avoiding working to understand me, and why I was so drawn to emotionally incapable and unavailable people that I would never understand.

Closure is not something that you get from someone else.
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Old 01-18-2016, 04:53 PM
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I have accepted that I will never understand all the things he did to me and it's ok. Why do I really need to know, will it help me sleep at night? Even if you knew the answer could you comprehend it?

They just are not thinking right, they have a disease, plane and simple.

Hugs Z!!
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Old 01-18-2016, 05:32 PM
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It's hard to know what anyone thinks, but most especially a person
deeply entrenched in active addiction.

Just take care of yourself, and keep taking one step forward at a time.
You'll find peace again--that's almost a given--I've seen it happen so many times
on this list.

Hugs also from me Z
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Old 01-18-2016, 07:20 PM
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Hugs....Z. Big hugs. You are doing the best thing for you! You mention his sister-I'm sure there are others. Remember addiction requires enablers and it sounds like he has plenty. You ask why he is the way he is-I second what dandy said about reading Garrett's articles-they are totally spot on and accurate. He is all the ways you describe bc he is an addict. I'm sorry you are hurting. Do know you will have peace-true peace!!
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