Grrrrr.... What a lousy day... And only on day 2😭
Trying desperately to stay positive and busy! I have had a few moments today when I could of quite easily poured myself another wine.
I've pretty much been a regular wine drinker since the age of 20 (17 years now) surprised I'm still alive to be honest, although on two occasions thats been touch and go. I have done the most horrendous, shameful and sickening things whilst under the influence of alcohol, too embarrassed to talk about it, its not the person I want to be anymore, the fun loving girl I once used to be is now turning into an old nasty lush with no self control or respect. The best of it is..I have so much to live for?! Amazing husband and sweet, innocent and kind hearted son ever! Why does this not seem enough for me to stop this vicious cycle of drinking! Everytime I binge I promise myself I'm going to quit alcohol for good and Yeh a couple of times I've made it past a month but then something happens...usually something rubbish that triggers my emotions and that little voice tells me I'm not going to cope..'go have a drink, it will make it easier for you to deal with!' and there I go making a beeline for the drinks aisle.. AGAIN!
Only a couple of days ago my hubby found out he was made redundant, absolutely gutted with the news,instead of being a normal incontrol and sensible person and keeping what money we had to help us until he finds another job, i go blow money on getting sloshed! And I got really DRUNK! 3 bottles of red wine with half a bottle of Vodka, not a good combination, needless to say the following day I spent most of the morning with my head down the toilet,begging for someone to help me, the worst thing was... My gorgeous boy witnessed it all and was terrified half to death!...he's only 4.
I really have had a enough... Im desperate now... I've looked into a local AA meeting, just got to build up the courage to go😖
Ive been struggling to sleep the last couple of nights, horrible dreams and the sweating is ridiculous! I fell agitated and on edge, I just want to feel at peace with myself...for once.
Anyway.....
Thanks to anyone who's taken the time to read over my post...im a screwed up mess at the moment.
