RattleAndHum

Hey everyone --

I thought I'd introduce myself to the community here. I'll say straight up that this site is a great thing, and I wish everyone the best on his or her personal journey to sober and meaningful living.

I've been doing this drinking thing for oh, about 20 years. As a shy child of an alcoholic, I didn't think twice about drinking after I had my first one (although when I was a kid, I said I'd never touch the stuff because of all the pain it caused us). Drinking felt good, really good, and I became social, funny, and comfortable in my own skin for once in my life. It was the elixir. The magic potion. The solution to all my emotional problems.

Riiiiiight (you know where this is going).

That euphoria, that solution, that cure, of course, lasted oh so long. The perceived solution would soon become the persistent and central problem in my life.

I'll just say I've had years of considerable trouble and pain and loss because of drinking -- my own drinking and that of loved ones. This elixir has been nothing short of terrible for me and my family since I can remember reading Clifford the Big Red Dog as a child and hearing the first drunken fight rage throughout our home (I'll save elaboration for later if the moment calls for it) to now as an adult in his 30s with years of his own drinking problem under his belt.

I have tried managing this thing called alcoholism. Or, how I would have liked to have called it, my "social drinking" habit (again -- riiiiiiight. You know we're this is going).

I've gone months without a drink, tried "trials" of only drinking a certain amount a month (failed miserably, like, well, immediately, like, that very weekend), and seen several therapists and have gone to meetings. I even feel shame saying I'm giving up alcohol now because of all the failure I've had, all the times I tried to quit this bottle and failed to crush it for good. The only way I can see it is these were all pieces of my journey. They all taught me something, and I need to take those teachings and apply them to my sobriety now.

I'm 3 weeks sober now, 22 days to be exact, I'm humbled to be here, and feeling numerous highs and lows as far as emotions go. I'm seeing a therapist and reading a lot of recovery literature. My wife knows sobriety is important to me and is being very supportive.

Sorry for the long-windedness. I guess I'm just saying in my extended way, "hello, I'm here, and I'm struggling through this thing, too."

Thanks for reading. And, all things considered, I'm glad and blessed to be here. I want to stop running towards regret and start walking towards recovery. It always helps to have a few companions along the way and to know you're not walking alone.

Warmly,

Mike