I've been there. Sometimes things are just broken. You cannot force healing. It has a way of taking and making it's own time.
I spent time talking about my feelings, fears, trust issues - it helped me realize what was at the root of my 'avoidance'. Are you able to write a letter to him (one that will not be given to him) ? or a note to the wounded part of you ?
You can private message me if you wish.