I remember being directed to this same blog some time ago by a different member and finding it helpful at that time also, even tho I myself don't come at things from a Christian perspective, necessarily. This part was what resonated w/me:
And the second reason I don’t think any of my efforts to save my marriage single-handedly worked in the least is that – and I say this with all humility – I wasn’t the one actively taking down our marriage. Yes, I was a mess, and yes, I was not a good wife, and yes, I had a huge part in our downfall, and I own that. But I wasn’t the one not engaged; I wasn’t the ending-party. I was in counseling and reading every book out there and asking for advice.
It has taken me some time to understand that difference. At first, like many of us, I saw myself as the "good" partner and accepted no responsibility for the state of things. HE was the drunk and the liar!
As time went on, I began to see how it was possible for me to say "no, NOTHING I have done or not done, said or not said, has caused him to drink and to lie to and steal from me. However, I AM responsible for how I've reacted to those things and other problems in our marriage and in my own individual life." And those reactions certainly made things worse, for us as a couple and for me as an individual.
It IS an important distinction!