I know what you mean, Caretaker88. AP called last night and I told her about a conversation I had with the kids about where she is, why, and how they might be feeling. I didn't want her to be surprised if they bring it up tomorrow, and I wanted us to be on the same page with our messaging to them. For all of her faults when she is in the middle of an addiction/mental health spiral, she is a kind and caring mother to them and is concerned about how they are dealing with everything. But the info I relayed was really hard for her to hear and she was pretty upset when we hung up the phone. There really isn't anything I can do or say to make her feel better, and it's not my job to try. Everything I told her is the truth and is exactly what I told the kids, so it's okay for her to feel guilty and upset about it. She should feel like that!
My son thought that she left because I was yelling at her all the time. He is trying to protect her. So I had to explain about how adults might argue and fight but that doesn't mean that we don't love them, and that we aren't still a family. I told them that she has a mental illness, meaning her brain is sick and she is in a hospital to help her get healthy. And when she is sick, she makes poor choices that aren't healthy or safe for her or any of us so it's not safe for her to live in our house right now. I think they understand, as much as they are able. But they miss her a lot and are acting out in their own ways quite a bit.