I quit several times after the next round of guilt, shame and remorse cycled. Another "incident" would occur - I'd apologize, or maybe get self righteous and indignant thinking, man I need to slowwww downnnn. This behavior continued for over 30 years............
Several times my wife would ask - can't you just have a few? Do you have to drink sooooo much????? Fast forward 20 years and she was looking for bottles of vodka I had stashed.
In a few months I will have two years of sobriety - the reflection of my despair is no longer seen in my wife or (adult) kids eyes. That is the greatest reward I can imagine.
Once the off switch was broken, it couldn't be repaired. It wasn't through lack of trying...........
When the pain is great enough the debate ends.