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Day 18....12/26/15....getting nervous

Old 01-13-2016, 01:32 PM
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Day 18....12/26/15....getting nervous

Day 18 feeling fine, no strong urges thus far.

I do however have a family and friends ski trip this weekend which I know will be my biggest challenge thus far if I chose.

I keep thinking a few beers after skiing will be my reward for going 3 weeks, but I also am afraid I will be totally disappointed with myself and feel like a quitter/ loser.

I am committed to going skiing with my wife and kids so avoiding is not an option, I work hard all week and hardly see my kids before they go to bed so weekends and trips like these I treasure.

Cant promise myself I wont, but not sure I will!!!!!!!
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Old 01-13-2016, 01:38 PM
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Hey golf dad, if u cave in it will make u feel great initially but then u have the aftermath to contend with.....just ask urself.....is it really worth it????

Is ur wife aware ur trying to stay sober??
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Old 01-13-2016, 01:56 PM
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the wife is aware, but even she has said cant you have a few beers as a reward.
The problem is I was never a everyday before 5pm drinker. Mostly on Friday and Saturday a bottle of wine or 4- 5 beers, so I am not sure she really understands my objective, and for that matter my be I dont know either.

I challenged my self to a dry January but after having a few too many on xmas I started early and have been without since.

i think I want to prove that every occassion does not have to involve alcohol, so maybe the ski trip will be a good hurdle to jump over.

We will see?????
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Old 01-13-2016, 02:19 PM
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If you can't promise you won't drink I think you need to reconsider the trip - yes, even with all the other aspects - wife, kids etc.

Sometimes a commitment to recovery means some really tough choices.

but...if you really feel you need to go - you have several days to work up an awesome plan.

There is no reason good enough for you to drink on this trip.

D
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Old 01-13-2016, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Golfdad View Post
Cant promise myself I wont, but not sure I will!!!!!!!
You sound like you know what you need to do.

Promise yourself you won't. You are worth it.
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Old 01-13-2016, 02:50 PM
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Why not enjoy this trip with your family and kids? . . . but that doesn't mean having alcohol, you don't need alcohol to enjoy yourself, it is not the centre of the social universe!!

The reward after 3 weeks is going to mean throwing 3 weeks away, so is that really a reward? I think re examining your reasons to be Sober is a good idea, as if a reward is required every now and again is this not going to be a never ending circle, a merry-go-round I was on for years.

For me Sobriety had to be all or nothing, and that didn't mean any less enjoyment, any less fun, I simply had to readjust my lens to realise enjoyment can be had without alcohol, and spending time with your family shouldn't be conditional on having alcohol.

Are you going drinking or going to enjoy time with your family? I'd focus on the latter!!
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Old 01-13-2016, 07:14 PM
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Hi Golfdad
I'm also at 18 days... Good for us! But I recently had 30 days sober that ended pretty bad over Christmas. I don't want to have to ever do day 1 over. You can go on this trip and not drink. Alcohol never gives, it only takes. Your reward will enjoying your family with no regrets. Stay strong!
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Old 01-13-2016, 07:25 PM
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Dear Golf, I think testing yourself is a risky proposition. I can only speak for myself but since alcohol alters what the mind would ordinarily do I know that I, and many, could not stop after just three or so. Lots of people describe doing things they would normally never do while drinking so trying to make a limit is really dicey. I also don't think that thinking about when and how much you used to use is good for you. There is no hard and fast rule to having a problem. Afternoon drinkers say at least I don't drink in the morning, morning drinkers say at least I don't miss work, others say at least I never had a DUI. The list can go on and on. Only you can decide if you have a problem and want to do something about it. I know trips where people are drinking can be very challenging. Whatever happens, keep coming back for whatever support you need. There will be no judgment or guilt to be found here. Best wishes and sending you hope. John
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Old 01-13-2016, 07:29 PM
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So if I may ask why did you stop in the first place and what was your goal or plan?

I have personally never seen drinking as a reward and in my past when that thought came to mind it was my AV and not me thinking things through and yes if I go back to 1996 my x wife would have said the same thing, exactly what my AV wanted to hear but the last thing in the world I needed to do was start drinking again. If I wrote what drinking from 1996 to 2015 has cost me in every area, few would believe it.

But I am not aware why you stopped or what your plan is.

All the best
Andrew

PS: I remember reading your posts back in December, bud honestly these are pretty serious warning signs from my experience

"I have been a casual drinker for close to 20 years, mainly drinking on weekends and occassions, but over the last 2 years I have noticed a bad pattern that once I start there is no reason to stop. I used to be a Vodka tonic type but gave up vodka about 2 years as I found myself sucking them down, then moved to just wine and beer, but found a could finis a bottle of wine in no time, and would usually open a second."
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Old 01-13-2016, 10:31 PM
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We both know a drink is no reward.
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Old 01-14-2016, 05:36 AM
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I wouldn't go
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Old 01-14-2016, 05:40 AM
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Why not look at this trip as ONE experiment - "let's see if I can get through an event like this sober, just this once?"

I bet you'll LOVE it, and the feeling of accomplishment will make you feel on top of the world. Bring some things to do while everyone is sitting around drinking. I recommend ordering an adult paint by numbers kit on Amazon. It gives you something to do with your hands while everyone else is holding a beer, but it's not so distracting that you won't be able to engage in conversation - plus, it will give you the brain relaxation you're probably looking for from booze.

Just this once, try this trip sober. I can't wait to hear how it goes!
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Old 01-14-2016, 06:18 AM
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I assume your kids are young and that they are not going to be spending much time in the lodge bar. Make it a good ski trip, ski hard get the most out the lift tickets and hang out with the kids . Plan to get to bed early and back on the slopes early. Play games or watch movies at night, the AV is the only thing that thinks alcohol is so important that risking having too many and ruining a good trip is worth it.
If you do promise yourself right now that you won't drink on the trip, you can guarantee yourself that you won't risk having a 'bad' one.
wish you well, ski hard have Fun
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Old 01-14-2016, 06:37 AM
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I quit several times after the next round of guilt, shame and remorse cycled. Another "incident" would occur - I'd apologize, or maybe get self righteous and indignant thinking, man I need to slowwww downnnn. This behavior continued for over 30 years............

Several times my wife would ask - can't you just have a few? Do you have to drink sooooo much????? Fast forward 20 years and she was looking for bottles of vodka I had stashed.

In a few months I will have two years of sobriety - the reflection of my despair is no longer seen in my wife or (adult) kids eyes. That is the greatest reward I can imagine.

Once the off switch was broken, it couldn't be repaired. It wasn't through lack of trying...........
When the pain is great enough the debate ends.
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Old 01-14-2016, 06:57 AM
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Either don't go or don't drink.
It's a slippery slope GD

Right now you are giving yourself a "maybe" out
and that's a sure ticket to failure
In your mind, you've already relapsed and given yourself permission.

I know this because I did it many times myself.
Be honest and reflect and you'll see it too.
Be strong and sober for your kids if being with them is the point of the trip.
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Old 01-14-2016, 07:01 AM
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Thanks all.......I am going, not going is not an option, I need to live my life with my family and friends. I do not want to become a non social loser who because of a weakness lets the weakness cause missing a lifetime of memories and precious time with family and friends! That's not living and if I had to decide on being a non social shut in vs drinking again... i would chose a beer to be honest.

So with that said I plan on not drinking this week end and reaching my short term goal of a dry january and then decide from there on the pros and cons.

Again i am doing this to get healthy and test my abilities, from there I will need to assess the results and decide next steps.
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Old 01-14-2016, 07:09 AM
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Nobody is suggesting you be a "non social loser. . . missing a lifetime of memories"

Short term, you are trying to get in the habit of sobriety so that may mean
not doing everything you usually would do if it will trigger your drinking.
It isn't a life sentence by any means

After your sobriety is established, doing normal things with friends and family is
very easy and enjoyable.
You just don't have the burden of addiction hanging over your head.
Trying to control or moderate is usually much much harder than just not starting.

Enjoy your trip and ski well
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Old 01-14-2016, 07:11 AM
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There is a another option, you can go to all the places (and more) and do all the things(and more) that you have done in the past without drinking. The AV is only the option limiter.
You don't really believe that that the only two choices in life are between being alone, sad and sober or being 'forced' to drink, do you ? That bleak(and false) dichotomy is pure AV, it's bs.
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Old 01-14-2016, 07:22 AM
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As other's have said, it's not simply option A (sit in and don't drink) or option B (socialise and drink), that's your addiction doing the talking, there is an option C (socialise as a non drinker).

This guy and his wife recognised there was a problem with alcohol back in December:

Originally Posted by Golfdad View Post
Well after a blackout on Xmas in front of friends and family, waking up the next morning not know what really happened, and receiving a lecture from my wife that my kids are noticing me slurring and stumbling I am going to give the sober life a try.
For me as many times as I tried to fit the square peg into the round hole, it just couldn't be done, never loose sight of why you first made the decision to be Sober.

Enjoyment, relaxation, happiness does not flow from a bottle, instead it's about the people around you, spending time with your loved ones and an appreciation of what you already have in life rather than looking towards alcohol to give you something more, you've got everything you need in your family!!
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Old 01-14-2016, 07:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Golfdad View Post
I do not want to become a non social loser who because of a weakness lets the weakness cause missing a lifetime of memories
I have traveled for many years and meet many, many people in my lifetime. The strongest group I have ever met is those folks who are in solid recovery. Most are anything but non social losers, funny.........

Alcoholism and addiction are not a "weakness" - ours is not a moral failure my friend.

Here's some suggested reading - it may help you to understand the physiology of alcoholism if you'll read it - Under The Influence - Milam and Ketchum
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