Liz.....I am of the same mind as Lilro.....what do you have to loose by backing off a bit....? .....and, cooling down the jets, a bit...
As I see it...there are also two important issues to consider...
One is that there are two youngish children to consider...their emotions have gotten involved, also. There is o ne current poster whose son is having a hard time because she and her "man" moved in together....early on...and their sons become bonded....the relationship went south and now the boys are heartbroken......
The kids are always vulnerable in blended famiy situations....
The other concern which comes to my mind is the issue of his apparent financial success. Which, in itself, is not a sin (lol), but it can be a giant attraction vehicle to someone who has deep seated fears in this area.
I noticed, recently, that you mentioned, in someone else's thread.....that financial fears kept you years in a bad relationship, beyond when you should have left.
You have mentioned the house that he is building..a large house.... Liz....that is Giant nest-building..with all the good stuff that that implies.....
I can only surmize that that must be plucking the violin strings of your heart....
Be careful that you are not getting blinded......
Here, the old Bob Dillon song comes to mind.....
"If I were a carpenter
and, you were a lady
Would you marry me, anyway
would you have my baby.....?"
I used to ask myself that question of anyone I was developing a great interest in......
I'm just saying....just food for deep thought....
Another thought...(through a l ooking glass, darkly).....Your earlier posts, last spring, you mentioned that he could be insensitive in some of his remarks (which you defended as being "direct")......and, you mentioned that he had a hard time making eye contact when engaged in conversation......
I am thinking that there m ay be some conflict in Communication Styles, here.
(Is it any wonder that the most common word in the vocabulary of marital therapists is "Communication".
Now...I believe that 9 months....it is quite possible to have strong "love" - type emotions....and, it is natural to share that with the other......
The issue, I think....is that he was very guarded in what he shared with you.....
He couldn't seem to share with you what he was feeling.....He did name a fear of his (too soon)....but, did not seem open to sharing the exact basis of his fears......
He sounds very guarded about emotions...to me....
I will share my story about my early relationship with my dear departed husband.....
The "love word" came up at about 3-plus months (by him)......I was feeling the exact same way.....Right there..on the spot...we had a long come-to Jesus talk about what love and marriage meant to each of us....
We both had been hurt in the past..in our previous relationships...and, neigher wanted to ever walk that road again.....
We made a contract, right there, that we would let the future unfold, naturally....and, that, if either one of us began thinking "I want out"....all we had to do was to say that...and---we would be free to exit the relationship---with no recrim inations.....
We further agreed to keep the "love information" between ourselves, only...and not announce anything for another 18 months.
that is exactly what we did....
It was the most wonderful marriage....I still thank god, every day, that I had the privilege of having him in my life...
but Liz....prior to that relationship....I had had my heart broken into tiny little bits by someone who I was "in love" with...... So, you never know...especially, so early on..... It takes a long time to get to know someone, deeply.....
dandylion