I too was angry. At my mother during her last ten years, when she became mean, almost vicious at times. But this was a period when she had a series of mini strokes, TIA's I think they're called. Then one big stroke, which she more or less "recovered" from but which made her attitude worse. She would call me a "failure", a disappointment, etc. But, later, after she died, I realized that her changed attitude was no doubt due to changes within her brain, something she could not do anything about. And this knowledge, combined with my recalling how her mother had in turn been mean and difficult to her when she was young, gave me understanding. And with understanding comes forgiveness.
I have not had a stroke or a TIA but the time for me is growing shorter. I have had three heart operations, two prostate ones and am scheduled for a hernia operation next Thursday. I too have been thinking about the meaning of my life. And I have found that the meaning is that I should leave a footprint, make something or someone just a little better, hopefully happier, than if I had not been there at all. I hope I may have done that to make up for my forty years of drinking off and on. Leave something behind. Not money, possessions, but love, hope, happiness.
W.