Originally Posted by
zjw 
your right about the distractions endgame and others. its very hard around here. I've raised the issue to others in my household 100293120392103210 times and no one seems to take me seriously so I try and grin and bear it and to stll remain productive despite the distractions and despite my own BS swirling in my head. Only so much one can do tho. My hands are very tied in many ways.
Your also right that it very well could "COULD" all come to a head the leak in the damn as you say but I dont really choose to focus on what COULD happen. I figured it could happen years and years ago and it never did. Even tho I have my fears I realize i cant just allow them to rule me either.
Anyhow this threads got my mind almost worse off now then it was this morning to be honest.
I dunno that i am depressed to be honest. I have my moments today for example i've been in a lot of pain for a few weeks and this past week its come to a head I've had to take 2 days off from running as a result and thats a rather big deal to me. It can leave me questioning lots of things and without the release a run can provide me I can get pretty anxious etc..
I dunno for a depressed person as you think i may be I"m pretty happy 95% of the time. I run 50-70 miles a week eat a healthy diet and am usualy in pretty good spirts. Like i said I think I might just be off my game today.
this threads been helpful in giving me ideas or say refreshing my memory on other things i can do when i find myself in those struggles.
As far as leaving the house yeah its at the early early stages of is something up here? just kinda concerned. Ya know why do i feel this way about walking out the front door whats up with that? that kinda thing. I keep just breaking the ice and going forward despite the discomfort however.
It's not about your bosses' unrealistic (to you) demands. It's not about your wife and kids not cooperating with you to create a serviceable work environment at home. It's not about your difficulty leaving your home. But then, maybe it is.
I'm concerned here, zjw, that you're now minimizing your problems. You're framing them in a way that allows you to, again, not take in the help that's being offered. This is often what people who have difficulty asking for help do. "It's not that bad." "I"m pretty happy 95% of the time." You have an opportunity to take care of things and, partly because you thought in the past that things "COULD" come to a head, and "they never did." and "...its (your isolation) at the
early early stages," you're not prepared to make any meaningful changes. Is it possible that you're in denial around whether or not it "COULD" happen or whether it's already happening? Meanwhile, you've been half-predicting that "they might let you go" at work for some time now. Do you have a plan in place for what you'd do if you lost your job? Do you have a plan were you to be unable to run for an extended period of time? Exercising is great. I think everyone should do it. But, by itself, it is not a plan for recovery.
I never suggested that you ruminate about what could go wrong in your future, though it does get my attention that you framed my comments in this way. I'm instead saying that it might be helpful to address in meaningful ways what's actually going on right now. I hate to say it again, and I and others have been suggesting it both several months or more ago and since then that you're very resistant to change and helpful suggestions that don't fit neatly into your view of things. You yourself have brought up this very issue again today. It's as though you imagine that acknowledging a problem is also its solution. Knowing things about ourselves is not at all the same as doing things to address our current problems.
I'm not at all reluctant to say that you need to start taking seriously the things that are calling for attention in your life, and stop passing them off as "I'm just off my game today" or framing them as transient problems because you believe that seemingly trivial problems in the past "never came to a head." I never had problems due to my drinking in the past, until I did. Even so, and like you, it took me a very long time and a lot of damage for me to do something about it.
So, and again, you are clearly very averse to change. "I keep just breaking the ice and going forward despite the discomfort however." Procrastination is not a good strategy, whether we're drunk or sober.