I am very glad to be back and I am proud of everyone on SR who so willingly give their time and energy to people who want to cease self-destructing. My life has been strange and chaotic mostly due to women. It is strange how just talking to someone and listening to them can make them fall madly in love with you. However, I am alone now and working on my self. Being here on SR reminds me of my goal: to remain sober, remove external stressors, and learn to love myself.
Alcoholism scares me today more than it ever has before. A lovely woman I will always miss has been utterly deformed by alcohol. One night I blocked her number after texting her that i loved her but we both had to get healthy and grow. She drove drunk and showed up crying on at my door. No, not crying--weeping. I held her and put her to bed with a cup of ice water beside her. I slept on the recliner. My nerves are shot. Never in a million years would I guess that I would experience the agony of loving an alcoholic. She helped me work the steps and helped me get a sponsor. Something is wrong with her.
But yes--very glad to be alone and mingling on SR. This past week I met a wonderful lady who I befriended and we shared stories about abusive relationships. As a sober person still learnibg how to do this thing I can honestly say I made my first friend in my sobriety.
Right now alcohol scares the hell out of me. My father would ask me if I ate. "Yes," I replied, "We just ate lima beans and chicken at the table together."
Then of course he had to buy xanax from a woman because his prescription filling was delayed. It was insane seeing the withdrawal symptoms from benzos.
Life is strange.