Seven months after a slip and returning to SR
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Seven months after a slip and returning to SR
Hello my fellow recoverers. I have not posted on SR in a long time but I decided to make posting a part of my recovery. At seven months sober I am active in AA and I have a good hearted sponsor who understands how life threatening alcohol can be. I was nine months sober when I engaged in one night of drinking. Seven months ago I finally realized that my sobriety has to come before everything else in my life. Making it from seven months to a year is my goal because I need a solid foundation on which to rebuild my life. Honestly, I need to build a life that satisfies me. At 30 I am in school but I have realized that school is simply a place to hide from self-sufficiency and financial independence. My ex gf is still drinking and she gave me an infection that really made me understand how scary alcohol can be. I love her but she has to get sober on her own. Tonight I am very anxious but ready to move and work if I cannot return to school because I am burned out and I have been smoking too much and not exercising. I go to a lot of meetings and I try to calm myself down when I become scared. Today I am lucky to be sober. In the coming years I hope to mature, find a profession, and cultivate hobbies that are important to me. My relationship with a person from the fellowship became very abusive and frightening so I have initiated no contact and I hope to continue healing. The abuse reminded me of the shame and humiliation associated with alcoholism. It is time to quit complaining and grow up so I can live without feeling swamped by anxiety. I hope everyone is having a wonderful journey in sobriety. Right now sobriety is the only thing I want to focus on. Sober Recovery helps me focus on the shared experience of recovery from alcoholism.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
You're a sight for sore eyes, Ach! I know that folks will come and go but I am really glad to see you back here again!
I understand where you're coming from- when I first went back to school it was absolutely to hide out from my life for awhile. Ultimately I think it was a good move but of course there are the opportunity costs to think of as well.
There are no downsides though to coming back to SR! It's good to see you again, Ach.
I understand where you're coming from- when I first went back to school it was absolutely to hide out from my life for awhile. Ultimately I think it was a good move but of course there are the opportunity costs to think of as well.There are no downsides though to coming back to SR! It's good to see you again, Ach.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I am very glad to be back and I am proud of everyone on SR who so willingly give their time and energy to people who want to cease self-destructing. My life has been strange and chaotic mostly due to women. It is strange how just talking to someone and listening to them can make them fall madly in love with you. However, I am alone now and working on my self. Being here on SR reminds me of my goal: to remain sober, remove external stressors, and learn to love myself.
Alcoholism scares me today more than it ever has before. A lovely woman I will always miss has been utterly deformed by alcohol. One night I blocked her number after texting her that i loved her but we both had to get healthy and grow. She drove drunk and showed up crying on at my door. No, not crying--weeping. I held her and put her to bed with a cup of ice water beside her. I slept on the recliner. My nerves are shot. Never in a million years would I guess that I would experience the agony of loving an alcoholic. She helped me work the steps and helped me get a sponsor. Something is wrong with her.
But yes--very glad to be alone and mingling on SR. This past week I met a wonderful lady who I befriended and we shared stories about abusive relationships. As a sober person still learnibg how to do this thing I can honestly say I made my first friend in my sobriety.
Right now alcohol scares the hell out of me. My father would ask me if I ate. "Yes," I replied, "We just ate lima beans and chicken at the table together."
Then of course he had to buy xanax from a woman because his prescription filling was delayed. It was insane seeing the withdrawal symptoms from benzos.
Life is strange.
Alcoholism scares me today more than it ever has before. A lovely woman I will always miss has been utterly deformed by alcohol. One night I blocked her number after texting her that i loved her but we both had to get healthy and grow. She drove drunk and showed up crying on at my door. No, not crying--weeping. I held her and put her to bed with a cup of ice water beside her. I slept on the recliner. My nerves are shot. Never in a million years would I guess that I would experience the agony of loving an alcoholic. She helped me work the steps and helped me get a sponsor. Something is wrong with her.
But yes--very glad to be alone and mingling on SR. This past week I met a wonderful lady who I befriended and we shared stories about abusive relationships. As a sober person still learnibg how to do this thing I can honestly say I made my first friend in my sobriety.
Right now alcohol scares the hell out of me. My father would ask me if I ate. "Yes," I replied, "We just ate lima beans and chicken at the table together."
Then of course he had to buy xanax from a woman because his prescription filling was delayed. It was insane seeing the withdrawal symptoms from benzos.
Life is strange.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Welcome back Ach
Glad you are sober and working on yourself.
Is exercise part of your program?
That really helps me with anxiety and also has boosted
my self-esteem and confidence quite a bit.
The mental and physical package thing. . .
Glad you are sober and working on yourself.
Is exercise part of your program?
That really helps me with anxiety and also has boosted
my self-esteem and confidence quite a bit.
The mental and physical package thing. . .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Exercising kind of tapered off after i began dating a smoker. This week I plan on walking then easing into jogging. My ex came over a few months ago and took me sprinting with her and we did exercise videos together. I almost choked on my own oxygen
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I have gained confidence. I understand now it is difficult for me to make female friends. See, I love talking about things women are interested in and I usually just tell jokes around men. (I save the lewd ones for the fairer sex.) I am not a homosexual but I would love to have a female friend, a woman I could talk to. I like to talk about everything. I tried this last year and the person wanted me to meet their parents two weeks later. Sigh. They were nice people. Met the sister. But I just wanted to have coffee with this person as a friend. It turns out I have a lot of good qualities and people are attracted to me. But see, I am learning about the sober me, the real person inside all that negativity. So when I play piano and a girl bats her eyes at me I just think, "me too lady, me too."
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,231
Many times in the past I would hold
men hostage in my mind and desires
because of my own selfishness, self
seeking motives, self absorbed behaviors,
pleasures.
These men, im realizing, shouldn't
be held onto that way. I needed to let
them go, set them free in order to
remain true, healthy and honest to
myself and in recovery.
When I am in touch with my spirituality,
my faith in my HP - Higher Power, God
of my understanding, praying for His
will and not mine, asking for guidance,
and relieve me of self seeking motives,
then that defect of character is soon
removed from me.
I practice this recovery step as needed
to keep my heart, mind, soul as clean as
possible so that I can be of better service
to others in my recovery life. A healthier,
happier, honest service to others.
men hostage in my mind and desires
because of my own selfishness, self
seeking motives, self absorbed behaviors,
pleasures.
These men, im realizing, shouldn't
be held onto that way. I needed to let
them go, set them free in order to
remain true, healthy and honest to
myself and in recovery.
When I am in touch with my spirituality,
my faith in my HP - Higher Power, God
of my understanding, praying for His
will and not mine, asking for guidance,
and relieve me of self seeking motives,
then that defect of character is soon
removed from me.
I practice this recovery step as needed
to keep my heart, mind, soul as clean as
possible so that I can be of better service
to others in my recovery life. A healthier,
happier, honest service to others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I am discovering the real me. Quitting drinking is difficult but I know I have to keep going to meetings and work with my sponsor. I miss playing music. I want to move to where I lived and have my own life. Over Christmas I saw my father go into withdrawals from xanax. I watched him drink to avoid reality and I was depressed and uncomfortable around him. Im alone with student loan debt, but what is stopping my pursuit of my true dream? I just played the piano and I have played guitar and piano since I was twelve. I want to write beautiful songs. I sing. I want to make the music I look for but cannot find. For the first time in my life I am being honest. I want to play music and I can die knowing I did what matters the most to me. When I play music something clicks and I feel whole. I used to let my father tell me I could not pursue my dreams. He is an addict and I can see that he is miserable. It is time for me to grow up and quit living for other people. I want to record an album. I can play guitar, piano, drums, and bass. I can sing. I can learn what I need to learn to record an album because I am sober and I can see clearly.
I have had nine months twice and I know now that I am done with relapsing. Recovery comes first and then I can work out music.
I can pursue my dreams at 30 yes? Why not? I have a lot of catching up to do but I am ready to learn.
I have had nine months twice and I know now that I am done with relapsing. Recovery comes first and then I can work out music.
I can pursue my dreams at 30 yes? Why not? I have a lot of catching up to do but I am ready to learn.
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