Originally Posted by
ALinNS 
I have been in and out of AA since 1996... I am taking what I can use from the program to keep me sober but I have some issues with certain principals, mainly being powerless over alcohol because when I am sober and not mentally exhausted I am a happy guy and very productive and it has no power over me and as this program teaches I do not want to keep coming back and living one day at a time (down the road of course) to me that is somewhat of a crutch and I simply want to gain permanent control and be free of this beast.
Exactly. That is the state you can be in when you don't drink. The point isn't about being powerless when we don't take a drink though is it. It's about accepting that we cannot drink in a controlled way, and that with alcohol in it, our lives become unmanageable.
I think that acceptance has helped me quiet my 'beast' far more than fighting it ever did. I personally think of my addictive voice more as a nagging, weedling child than a beast. It is a spoilt brat who cares nothing for anyone else, and will sink to any kinds of dishonestly. It is, as the saying goes, cunning and can be baffling. I could fight and fight for it to shut up - but it never did. It just left me angry with myself, and exhausted. Better for me, was to just accept that it will pipe up from time to time and it's my responsibility do what I need to in order to ignore it and stay sober - pray to my HP for knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out; call my sponsor or AA friend; log in on here and post or better, respond to someone else's post; do something to help someone else - that's working the plan. The day I think I've 'beaten' my AV or that it's completely gone, is likely to be the day that the little f**ker trips me up.
Anyway. Welcome to the site. There are some amazingly helpful people on here.
Wishing you well in your journey to recovery, through honesty and acceptance, to a place of joy, peace and serenity.