Greetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Greetings
Good Morning Group, my name is Andrew and am new here, first post.
I have a question after reading this program and it relates to this inner beast that I have, do we actually kill it or do we simply overpower it for life? What I mean by that is we all have an inner voice that is telling us maybe we should do something, could be whatever but the logical side of our brain says no that is not right and in my case I follow the logical side until mentally tired.
My history with Alcohol is long, I have been in and out of Detox since 1998, longest sobriety is two years, I did an Intensive Treatment Program as an in patient for 28 days which gave me a little over two years of sobriety and I was quite happy and content, yes this inner beast (they referred to it as the sleeping tiger) would whisper from time to time but it was just a whisper then gone. (completed this program 2 1/2 years ago.
I started drinking again in mid November of this year, I was physically and mentally exhausted from work and the beast won, in my case I drink to dull the pain from past traumatic events, I was working on these to understand and forgive myself after thie ITP program but work got in the way of appointments and I stopped, I stopped AA around the same time but went back when I could.
During this recent period I was in and out of the hospital searching for help, trying to get control of ly life, spent 3 days in detox which was not long enough but as long as they could keep me due to a long waiting list so all it did was get me through the worst of the DT's. Finally while in emerg on December 11th I spoke with a doctor at length who confirmed I have PTSD, encouraged me to continue to get help with these events but gave me a medication that has kept this beast at bay while I use every resource I can get my hands on to get it out of my life as I am sick and tired of drinking, hurting loved ones and friends and yes this time it cost me my job when my employer decided after thinking about what happened to let me go on December 23rd. No I have never drank at work but I worked I had a management position and my being off drinking and trying to get control created a lot of problems for them,
I have been sober since December 12th
I have been in and out of AA since 1996, over the years I have had three sponsors, two relapsed have one now trying to help me and I attend face to face meetings once a week and online daily. I am taking what I can use from the program to keep me sober but I have some issues with certain principals, mainly being powerless over alcohol because when I am sober and not mentally exhausted I am a happy guy and very productive and it has no power over me and as this program teaches I do not want to keep coming back and living one day at a time (down the road of course) to me that is somewhat of a crutch and I simply want to gain permanent control and be free of this beast.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to your feedback. I am using every resource I can get my hands on as I want to give this addiction its final blow and out of my life, be able to say I am recovered not recovering but never touch alcohol again.
Andrew
I have a question after reading this program and it relates to this inner beast that I have, do we actually kill it or do we simply overpower it for life? What I mean by that is we all have an inner voice that is telling us maybe we should do something, could be whatever but the logical side of our brain says no that is not right and in my case I follow the logical side until mentally tired.
My history with Alcohol is long, I have been in and out of Detox since 1998, longest sobriety is two years, I did an Intensive Treatment Program as an in patient for 28 days which gave me a little over two years of sobriety and I was quite happy and content, yes this inner beast (they referred to it as the sleeping tiger) would whisper from time to time but it was just a whisper then gone. (completed this program 2 1/2 years ago.
I started drinking again in mid November of this year, I was physically and mentally exhausted from work and the beast won, in my case I drink to dull the pain from past traumatic events, I was working on these to understand and forgive myself after thie ITP program but work got in the way of appointments and I stopped, I stopped AA around the same time but went back when I could.
During this recent period I was in and out of the hospital searching for help, trying to get control of ly life, spent 3 days in detox which was not long enough but as long as they could keep me due to a long waiting list so all it did was get me through the worst of the DT's. Finally while in emerg on December 11th I spoke with a doctor at length who confirmed I have PTSD, encouraged me to continue to get help with these events but gave me a medication that has kept this beast at bay while I use every resource I can get my hands on to get it out of my life as I am sick and tired of drinking, hurting loved ones and friends and yes this time it cost me my job when my employer decided after thinking about what happened to let me go on December 23rd. No I have never drank at work but I worked I had a management position and my being off drinking and trying to get control created a lot of problems for them,
I have been sober since December 12th
I have been in and out of AA since 1996, over the years I have had three sponsors, two relapsed have one now trying to help me and I attend face to face meetings once a week and online daily. I am taking what I can use from the program to keep me sober but I have some issues with certain principals, mainly being powerless over alcohol because when I am sober and not mentally exhausted I am a happy guy and very productive and it has no power over me and as this program teaches I do not want to keep coming back and living one day at a time (down the road of course) to me that is somewhat of a crutch and I simply want to gain permanent control and be free of this beast.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to your feedback. I am using every resource I can get my hands on as I want to give this addiction its final blow and out of my life, be able to say I am recovered not recovering but never touch alcohol again.
Andrew
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Welcome Andy
I don't know enough about AVRT to answer your question, but no doubt someone will, or you could check out our Secular Connections forum for more about AVRT
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I don't know enough about AVRT to answer your question, but no doubt someone will, or you could check out our Secular Connections forum for more about AVRT
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by ALinNS 
I have been in and out of AA since 1996... I am taking what I can use from the program to keep me sober but I have some issues with certain principals, mainly being powerless over alcohol because when I am sober and not mentally exhausted I am a happy guy and very productive and it has no power over me and as this program teaches I do not want to keep coming back and living one day at a time (down the road of course) to me that is somewhat of a crutch and I simply want to gain permanent control and be free of this beast.
I think that acceptance has helped me quiet my 'beast' far more than fighting it ever did. I personally think of my addictive voice more as a nagging, weedling child than a beast. It is a spoilt brat who cares nothing for anyone else, and will sink to any kinds of dishonestly. It is, as the saying goes, cunning and can be baffling. I could fight and fight for it to shut up - but it never did. It just left me angry with myself, and exhausted. Better for me, was to just accept that it will pipe up from time to time and it's my responsibility do what I need to in order to ignore it and stay sober - pray to my HP for knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out; call my sponsor or AA friend; log in on here and post or better, respond to someone else's post; do something to help someone else - that's working the plan. The day I think I've 'beaten' my AV or that it's completely gone, is likely to be the day that the little f**ker trips me up.
Anyway. Welcome to the site. There are some amazingly helpful people on here.
Wishing you well in your journey to recovery, through honesty and acceptance, to a place of joy, peace and serenity.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Good morning, Andrew.
As Dee mentioned, there is a ton of discussion in the Secular Connections section of this site. You might want to start with reading this: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
There is an extremely long discussion that I intend to re-read from the beginning... let me know if you're interested and I'll go find that first link for you as well.
Welcome
(And no, you don't kill it or overpower it; you learn to shrug it off just like you would any other unethical or immoral thought that crosses your mind.)
As Dee mentioned, there is a ton of discussion in the Secular Connections section of this site. You might want to start with reading this: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
There is an extremely long discussion that I intend to re-read from the beginning... let me know if you're interested and I'll go find that first link for you as well.
Welcome
(And no, you don't kill it or overpower it; you learn to shrug it off just like you would any other unethical or immoral thought that crosses your mind.)
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Due to my awesome powers of searching and finding anything on any web site (with the exception of any government space), I found the beginning of that longggg discussion about AVRT. It starts here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
Andrew, I'm glad you posted and it's good to know that you are working steadily on becoming healthy. I'm sorry that you lost your job, especially just before Christmas, and I hope that you will be able to find a new one before long. You've gotten lots of good advice here, so please continue to read and post.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 46
Hi Andrew,
I know nothing about AVRT, but I do know that I came to this forum in May and experienced warm welcoming support. I'm sure you will also.
I have connected with a therapist who uses EMDR and EPTworks for PTSD. At least that is what I think I know and deciding if I will give this a try over the next couple of weeks - still reading up if anyone has any history with these therapy modalities.
I have come to realize that the way I process certain memories is traumatic for me. My thought is the trauma came before the drinking, not that drinking has caused more trauma to my brain. But, it makes sense to me to rewire the deep stuff. I don't think I can ever completely stop drinking until I "forgive". I don't need my memories wiped, but I need them to not be so intense. Other than knowing you are not alone and that many of us our seeking our BEST resources and solutions. Nothing is ever going to be perfect - another concept very hard for me, but I am determined to heal. For today, I am one day at a time. I think in time that will feel more natural when my brain isn't short circuited back to old issues and patterns.
Keep us posted!
I know nothing about AVRT, but I do know that I came to this forum in May and experienced warm welcoming support. I'm sure you will also.
I have connected with a therapist who uses EMDR and EPTworks for PTSD. At least that is what I think I know and deciding if I will give this a try over the next couple of weeks - still reading up if anyone has any history with these therapy modalities.
I have come to realize that the way I process certain memories is traumatic for me. My thought is the trauma came before the drinking, not that drinking has caused more trauma to my brain. But, it makes sense to me to rewire the deep stuff. I don't think I can ever completely stop drinking until I "forgive". I don't need my memories wiped, but I need them to not be so intense. Other than knowing you are not alone and that many of us our seeking our BEST resources and solutions. Nothing is ever going to be perfect - another concept very hard for me, but I am determined to heal. For today, I am one day at a time. I think in time that will feel more natural when my brain isn't short circuited back to old issues and patterns.
Keep us posted!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Originally Posted by realE
Hi Andrew,
I know nothing about AVRT, but I do know that I came to this forum in May and experienced warm welcoming support. I'm sure you will also.
I have connected with a therapist who uses EMDR and EPTworks for PTSD. At least that is what I think I know and deciding if I will give this a try over the next couple of weeks - still reading up if anyone has any history with these therapy modalities.
I have come to realize that the way I process certain memories is traumatic for me. My thought is the trauma came before the drinking, not that drinking has caused more trauma to my brain. But, it makes sense to me to rewire the deep stuff. I don't think I can ever completely stop drinking until I "forgive". I don't need my memories wiped, but I need them to not be so intense. Other than knowing you are not alone and that many of us our seeking our BEST resources and solutions. Nothing is ever going to be perfect - another concept very hard for me, but I am determined to heal. For today, I am one day at a time. I think in time that will feel more natural when my brain isn't short circuited back to old issues and patterns.
Keep us posted!
I know nothing about AVRT, but I do know that I came to this forum in May and experienced warm welcoming support. I'm sure you will also.
I have connected with a therapist who uses EMDR and EPTworks for PTSD. At least that is what I think I know and deciding if I will give this a try over the next couple of weeks - still reading up if anyone has any history with these therapy modalities.
I have come to realize that the way I process certain memories is traumatic for me. My thought is the trauma came before the drinking, not that drinking has caused more trauma to my brain. But, it makes sense to me to rewire the deep stuff. I don't think I can ever completely stop drinking until I "forgive". I don't need my memories wiped, but I need them to not be so intense. Other than knowing you are not alone and that many of us our seeking our BEST resources and solutions. Nothing is ever going to be perfect - another concept very hard for me, but I am determined to heal. For today, I am one day at a time. I think in time that will feel more natural when my brain isn't short circuited back to old issues and patterns.
Keep us posted!
Seeking Safety - Treatment Innovations
I have a very close friend who is also doing research on this for me, its a heck of a battle when this is our trigger but there is help and that is what is in my PM.
Thanks for sharing
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 576
Welcome Andrew...Hmmm , you have an interesting view point....The beast is an interesting thing...It's always at the door, just waiting...We have the key to that door...The louder the beats knocks , the more tempted we are to use the key to open the door...
Unfortunatly , we have all been blessed as the holder of this key and no matter how may times we try to throw it away , it ends up in our possession , so all we can do is choose to use the key , or just hold it close in your control..
I like the way Anna says it here , she holds sobriety real close to her...Same with that key , hold it close and don't open the door to let the beast in...
Unfortunatly , we have all been blessed as the holder of this key and no matter how may times we try to throw it away , it ends up in our possession , so all we can do is choose to use the key , or just hold it close in your control..
I like the way Anna says it here , she holds sobriety real close to her...Same with that key , hold it close and don't open the door to let the beast in...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Originally Posted by Nofearnobeer
Welcome Andrew...Hmmm , you have an interesting view point....The beast is an interesting thing...It's always at the door, just waiting...We have the key to that door...The louder the beats knocks , the more tempted we are to use the key to open the door...
Unfortunatly , we have all been blessed as the holder of this key and no matter how may times we try to throw it away , it ends up in our possession , so all we can do is choose to use the key , or just hold it close in your control..
I like the way Anna says it here , she holds sobriety real close to her...Same with that key , hold it close and don't open the door to let the beast in...
Unfortunatly , we have all been blessed as the holder of this key and no matter how may times we try to throw it away , it ends up in our possession , so all we can do is choose to use the key , or just hold it close in your control..
I like the way Anna says it here , she holds sobriety real close to her...Same with that key , hold it close and don't open the door to let the beast in...
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