Originally Posted by
HoldOnLoosely 
"I could probably have got my point across without telling him that I used to wish he would hurt himself."
"If I reach the conclusion that I should take responsibility for my words which were hurtful and unnecessary, then I can decide to apologise when (if) he comes back."
For myself, I read Ny's comments above and thought she wanted to apologize.
I wish you only the best and apologize if I misunderstood what you wrote, Ny. I hope everything works out with you and your husband.
Don't worry I know everyone on here is trying to help. I got myself confused. I was angry and upset at him when I wrote the original post and assumed someone would come along and tell me this is typical behaviour don't worry it's not what you said. Then a few people said that I did the wrong thing by saying something unkind and I thought they must be right and I should probably apologise! Then a few more people came along and said I wasn't wrong in what I said and he was looking for an excuse to drink. You can probably tell that a) I have very little experience with all this b) I have nobody else to talk to so take everybody's advice on here seriously and c) I have a problem with not trusting that I myself would know the right thing to do.