Originally Posted by
Nyinabo 
How can anyone go through years of hurt and loneliness and not want to hurt the person who inflicted that on you? I recognise that this is unhealthy but don't know how else to deal with it.
"I could probably have got my point across without telling him that I used to wish he would hurt himself."
"If I reach the conclusion that I should take responsibility for my words which were hurtful and unnecessary, then I can decide to apologise when (if) he comes back."
Ny - I apologize. I might have misunderstood what you wrote in the quotes above and mistakenly thought you wanted to apologize.
I wish you only the best. I hope everything works out with you and your husband.