I think the key difference here is that you wanted him to hurt himself to get a wake-up call, not just to be hurt. You wanted something to happen to open his eyes. I wanted a DUI for my ex really bad, I really really wanted him to suffer the consequences. And oh boy was he hurtful. In the end, there was only one thing to do . . . I let him go, that is, I set myself free. Right now, I wish to my ex all the best in life, I wish that he finds sobriety one day, I do not hope for a DUI, but it is really easy now to forgive and let go, because he is not hurting me anymore. My space is not violated, my boundaries are not violated.
I am not sure why your husband had such a reaction. Maybe he is looking for an excuse to drink, or he simply is hurt for real and needs some time to process it. I would apologize one more time, and forget about it. He asked, you told him. It is what it is.