I'll admit this thread was somewhat of a trigger for me. I was in an abusive relationship. To me this just came across as "give me praise" because I am trying, and just "stuff your own feelings", and just "get over it".
Nyinabo, I may not have said those things to my ex, but I think you know I was thinking them. The only way that I could sit there and listen to his rages, (and yes, I had to, he blocked my exits, and followed me around) was to just sit there peacefully, shutting him out, while thinking the whole time that I was stabbing him, but he always got up. I only allowed him to get up in my fantasy, because, he never stopped, and I had to do that again, and again, and again, just so that I wouldn't engage with him.
I do think when a marriage gets this bad, that careful consideration should be thought of to leave, it became that toxic.
Nyinabo, I don't know how bad your marriage got, I know how bad my marriage got.
A simple amends would not have done it for me, I would have needed to know that he knew how much his cruelty hurt me, and I would have needed for that to stop. If I had heard that I should "just get over it" again, that would have triggered me.
Sometimes, I think when feelings are this "raw" that a separation might be the best if you want to continue the marriage. Time for both to heal.
I do believe that healing yourself and doing your own recovery is the best, and I sometimes don't feel that you can do that together.
No, at 3 months, he may not be in charge of his emotions. Just remember how long he drank to deaden his emotions. Yes, your emotions are valid. I'm sure many here have felt the same way. I know that I did.
Just know that you can talk to us here, and you can vent here whenever you need to.
Here for you
((((hugs))))
amy