Rio, I understand having to step away when triggered into thinking deeply about painful truths. Keep talking, this is a safe place to work through this stuff. I can relate to your pain, and I know a lot of other alcoholics can as well. It's helpful to lots of people reading in the wings to talk about the insidious, methodical invalidation that occurs in families. That's how I took the power away from them - by talking and journaling. I didn't ever get healing words from the people who were hurting me. That's part of the dynamic of this type of relationship. Denial by the abusers.
As they say, I can't go to the hardware store for a loaf of bread.
We understand.